Downcast Spirit Lifted

How easy it is to have hurt feelings sometimes. Tonight, I am finding myself very hurt. I think in the moment, she was angry with me and meant to hurt me a little. But if she knew how her words made me feel right now, would she have ever written them down? Maybe, in her defense, they weren't written the way that I read them. I doubt it. Does she hate me? No, I know that's not true. Is she angry? Yes, I know that's true. In her eyes, I let her down. I should have followed through on a task. But, really, in my defense, I didn't have the same time line that she did. We weren't on the same page. Her priorities were not my own. They never have been. 

Words are powerful. They can build up. They can tear down even faster. As I sit here, wondering if I should just let it go or if I should talk to her, I can't help but feel a little saddened that this is how my day could end. Hurt, bitter, angry, defensive. 

But it won't. It's God's time to work in my heart. I have been praying for her - one who has no future hope, one whose worth lies in the fleeting things of this life. I am sorry that I let her down. But more than that, I am saddened that what I didn't do put her in such a horrible mood that all she could think to do was to lash out in angry words. 

My day will end in compassion, love, kindness and humility. My day will end with a lesson reminding me of how powerful words can be and a warning to use them carefully and wisely. 

Ecclesiastes 12:10 Words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious, while the lips of a fool consume him.

Prayer - Powerful, Passionate & Personal

Sorry ahead of time if there are typos or if you find something that doesn't quite flow. These were my notes cut & pasted for you.

I read an article by Pam Woody who wrote for Focus on the Family. She and I both have 3 girls and I appreciated her insight on teaching her kids about prayer.
“The important thing is that our children see prayer as a privilege as well as a responsibility. It's not about praying because we have to; it's about praying because we get to! It's not about praying to see what we can get; it's about praying to see how God touches others. It's not just about teaching my girls that prayer changes things; it's about God changing our hearts so we can influence the world.”
When Suzie asked me to speak on what I had been learning through our study, I picked prayer. It's a big topic to talk about but I thought, hey I’ve been praying how hard could it be to talk about what new in my prayer life? It proved to be one of the most complex topics I could have picked. Every time I sat down, I thought of a different aspect of prayer and how my heart had changed as a result of praying specific prayers over my children.
This study Power of a Praying Parent has been challenging. Life hasn’t been fun or easy for my family in the last 3 months. We’ve faced many changes with my husband’s travel schedule and hard circumstances at school with my 5 year old. Isn’t it amazing that God wanted me to lead a class on prayer, the one thing I needed the most during this time of my life! I can’t help but reassure you that today comes from new growth in me that is still blooming new buds every week.
A lot can be said on prayer. There are many examples in the Bible of how to pray, what to pray and when to pray. In our study, we have been focussing on the amazing privilege of praying for our children. On any given Wednesday, we go up to the cafe on the 3rd floor and have coffee with each other! In our group ,we have infants & we have great-grandchildren. We have children who love the Lord & children who have decided to walk away from God. We have is hurts & we have joys. We have laughed and cried with each other, we have loved, encouraged and listened. But most of all, we have prayed for each other and our children. Through these past few months, I have learned many valuable lessons about God & prayer. This book is a good start to an amazing journey of drawing closer to God while parenting & grand-parenting. I will say just briefly that Stormie uses absolute statements throughout the book that have stirred up quite interesting conversations each week. I think her interpretation of certain Scripture passages have ruffled out feathers and have helped us talk through how we really see prayer in our lives.
I am embracing the truth that Prayer is powerful.
James 5:16
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effectual.
Prayer isn’t merely a process of questions and answers. It is a profound interaction with our Creator. As we bring before Him our desires, our sins and our broken hearts, we lay down our agenda and discover the plans that God laid out for us before time began. In that same profound interaction, we are promised that God hears our pleadings and responds to our specific requests with an answer. As we pray, we see our need to become more dependent on Him and we become more aware that we serve a powerful God.
Prayer is powerful. In the Bible, we see not only answers to prayer that are powerful but as we pray God’s promises, we are empowered by the Holy Spirit to a deeper faith as we see that God can accomplish mighty things through us.
John Piper said, “The key to praying with power is to become the kind of persons who do not use God for our ends but are utterly devoted to being used for his ends.
This is why Jesus says, "If you abide in me and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you." The words of Jesus abiding in us make us the kind of persons who are not dominated by natural desires, but are devoted to fruit-bearing for God's glory.
I have found a renewed passion in my prayer life.
Phil 4:6,7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
We can make our requests to God specific & real. Growing up, I usually prayed in doubt adding “if it’s your will” to my prayers, bracing myself for an outcome that may not be what I wanted and then being surprised when God decided to answer the way I desired. During my teenage years, I heard that, “Prayer doesn’t change God’s mind, it changes your heart.” I took that to mean that I could just pray a pretty generic prayer of protection over a hard situation and then pray that I would be okay with whatever answer God decided for me. I was happy when things went my way and upset when life circumstances didn’t turn out the way I had wanted, but I was a passive pray-er. God was going to do what He was going to do and I was just along for the ride.
It’s been a long road but I have found a renewed desire to pray with passion, with all my emotions, knowing and having faith that God cares about the little details of my hurt. Prayer is emotional. Whether we come to God in the midst of pain and confusion, whether we are down on our knees humbled and contrite confessing our sins; whether our arms are raised up praising God for who He is or whether we are gratefully giving thanks to Him for the many blessings in our life, there’s never an excuse for our prayer life to be flat, boring or lifeless. I love the new Third Day worship song that says, “There’s is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary, and love for the broken heart, there is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing, that meets you wherever you are - Cry out to Jesus.”
Our prayers aren’t always answered in the way that we would like. We may be praying God’s promises, confessing sin and walking in God’s will when along comes tragedy. It’s not fair and there doesn’t seem to be a reason. There may a wrestling within ourselves when devastating answers come our way. Where were you God? Didn’t you hear my pleading? 

Know that even in the midst of feeling depleted, lonely and far away from hope, God can handle any burden you have. He knows.
I have also been in awe of what a privilege it is to have a personal prayer relationship with our God.
I John 5:14
This is the confidence which we have before him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us.
Prayer is personal. I have a relationship with God who has time to sit down with me whenever I am available and listen. He’s my sounding board. In preparing for this talk, I would throw around ideas and people would say, “So what I’m hearing you say…” Isn’t it amazing that through God’s Word, He does that for us? What I hear you saying is your hurting, what I hear you saying is that you are searching for hope. He lets us know we have been heard. He speaks to us through His Word, through being still, through friends. We serve an amazing God who holds the universe in His hands, yet He is always attentive to our words, He considers our meditations and answers our prayers in His timing. I have been learning that waiting on the Lord is active. As I pray, I actively seek after God’s will. I know the desires of my heart and certainly God knows them, too. I have begun not just looking for the answer but looking at the details of my journey to that answer.
I am discovering there is purpose in the journey to an answered prayer. Even when our circumstances turn out so very different than our desires, we know that the journey has purpose in drawing us closer to our Saviour. When we pray in anticipation of God’s plan, we can be reassured that this world is not our home and we only have a glimpse into how our stories all will work together for God’s glory.
I end with another quote from Piper -
“So prayer is not some small thing. It is not some marginal thing. It is not some incidental thing in the Christian life. Prayer is at the heart of why God created the universe. You may have the modern, secular notion that the universe is really about great galactic events and supernovas and remarkable expanses of time and space and energy. But in reality the center of the created universe is man created in the image of God. And the meaning of man in the image of God is to display God's glory. And the way God delights to display his glory in man is by being depended on through prayer.”

Is this thing on (tap tap)?

I know I have lost a few friends in the midst of the last few months as I fell off the face of the earth. Believe me, it was a survival technique that really seemed to work - spend every bit of free time planning for the next day and somehow you'll stay feet-side down while being a single mom with 3 girls on a brand new schedule! So here's the quick 411 on life at the Hires since school started this fall.

Tracy started a new project that took him to Houston for 8 out of the last 14 weeks. His first 3 weeks of travel were the first 3 weeks of school. Not that I prayed for the hurricane to hit Houston, I certainly was thrilled when Tracy was home for the 2 weeks after while the city cleaned up from that natural disaster. This has been a bittersweet time for him. While he is grateful for his job and "billable hours", this has not been a fun project to say the least. Adding to it all the travel to a not-so-fun city, living from a suitcase, never knowing if he would have to return the next week left us all in a state of daddy confusion. Mattie has taken in the hardest. She is our little kitty and will frequently tell say, "I don't like daddy". When asked if she is sad he is gone she throws her lip out and nods her head. 

In the midst of a week Tracy happened to be home, I received a phone call from the Principal at University Hill Elementary. Kasia was a part of a group of kids discussing inappropriate things and they were trying to find out where the information started. Well, much to my surprise, Kasia then told me that a little girl at school had on numerous occasions touched her inappropriately. My mind was reeling. How could this have happened? When? We went into super-sonic speed to ensure the safety of other children, they had to report it to social services, we made sure the classroom was a place we could trust again, we talked with Kasia about sex and personal space and secrets. After much prayer and diligence, God truly blessed us with the right words and the right actions. I don't believe Kasia has any idea how serious this incident could been in, God protected her darling heart. She still wanted to be the girl's friend, and we prayed that God would find a solution. Last week, the little girl left the school. The teacher and other parents are still not completely sure the reason for the move, they just used the excuse that the commute was too long. I still pray for that little girl because I am still not convinced she's not being abused herself but the school felt they had done their due diligence and left it at that. It actually still makes me sad when I think of the innocence lost. 

I started co-leading a Bible study this Fall! It's been so awesome getting to know these 16 other women. Lisa and I met right before we started co-leading and boy was this match in God's plan or what! We are very similarly wired and she has been an amazing friend as we travel this road of praying for our children. I appreciate all the ladies and their insight. We have moms with babies and moms with grandchildren & great-grandchildren! I said this today, but I feel as though when we get together we are coming together as friends for coffee and to discuss God, learning and sharing our lives. It's such an honor to be in this place. 

Ellie is still in gymnastics and this next week will move up to the next level. This means 4 hours a week in the gym. It's her decision and she's committed until next evaluations which aren't until May. She's a little jealous of the time Kiki has with friends while she's at the gym but after each practice, she tells me that gymnastics is where she wants to be. Kiki started a parent participate-group piano lesson that is ongoing with the same group of kids for 3 years. There are 7 kids ranging from 4-kindergarten. They are learning music theory and tonal recognition. She is playing & singing her first song from memory tonight. She loves it! Mattie got to go last week and is really sad that she has to wait until she's 4 to start the class. Mattie and grandma are wrapping up their "mom-tot" class they have gone to for the past 4 months. It's 30 minutes of gymnastics+30 minutes of swimming. Mattie's not done a class with mom or by herself yet so I've asked my mom to take her to her "big girl" swim lessons starting in January. She started preschool 2 mornings a week this fall and LOVES being a big girl. She cried every day I picked her up because all her friends stay for nap. We've now converted Thursdays to full days (which has been kinda hard for me) so she can stay and nap. 

We are home for Thanksgiving. The girls have the full week off school so I'm looking forward to some fun memories. They of course can't wait to be in Washington for Christmas and talk about flying and packing and playing with their cousins. 

I am going to post my notes from my talk today a Women to Women (that's what we call the collective Bible Study morning at our church). Thank you to all who prayed for me. I wished I could have been a little more polished but I speak in front of women so infrequently, I get a little rusty and forget how to be more subtle with reading my notes : >)

I feel as though the flood gates are beginning to open. I have so much to share as to the spiritual side of what's been going on. Perhaps, I will write that book someday. As long as it's an excerpt book and my dear friends with skills contribute.

Happy Birthday Kiki girl!

So, 5 years ago, We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Isn't that the best way to live life sometimes? Cuz if we really new what adventures were to come, they might scare us off from the best times of our lives! 

Kiki was our surprise conception. We either got flack, concern, reassurance or lots of advice from everyone and I mean EVERYONE when we found out we were prego when Ellie was 4 months old! 13 months apart between 1st and 2nd baby is not ideal but we made it work them and it definitely works now! Kiki continues to surprise us with her heart of spontaneity, love for song & dance at every hour of the day, her vivid imagination and her drive to be the most uniquely dressed girl in the room. She loves deeply, feels richly and can talk anyone into a corner when she decides its her turn to share. 

So, here's to you, Miss Kiki Beth. We love you with all our hearts and can't fathom life without your color and vibrance! Happy Birthday - I will always be your mommy and you will always be my sweetie.

Birthday Party Buzz

I never felt gipped having a birthday so close to Christmas. I got to have my birthday party 2 weeks early, I celebrated at school before the break and then my parents always make the actual day special. More friends actually seemed to remember my birthday throughout my life. So when I had 2 babies with summer birthdays, I knew I needed to make sure their special days were not forgotten. We have already celebrated Ellie's birthday as a family while next week T is coming home early from his trip to Houston to celebrate Kiki's birthday on her special day.

 

Today was the day we celebrated with our friends. They had so much fun. After last year's separate parties, they decided they liked having parties together (with a little smooth talking from mom)! We settled on PumpItUp. I made chocolate cupcakes (there was avocado in there, moms) with whipped cream frosting and yellow cupcakes (there was pumpkin in that one) with strawberry frosting. The girls felt loved, honored and went to bed VERY smoothly tonight! Thank you to all who made this day so special!

Let's Be on the Same Team

In the mode of the Olympics, I was thinking about how God has put some amazing women on my mom team lately. We are all focussed on the goal of being the moms that God has designed us to be, following after His heart and rearing our children to love and serve Him above all else. We fall, we fail and get discouraged but we try and succeed and excel, too! We are in this together. We shouldn't be critical, hurtful or even have the slightest excitement when we see another mom failing. We should be ready to come along side, let them know they are not alone and reassure them that one failure doesn't have to lead to another. 

So, not to dwell on the negative little petty things that happen in our lives but I have felt so much more attacked since I accepted the responsibility to co-lead a Bible study this school year. We will be going through the book Power of a Praying Parent. More than ever, I have felt the tug on my heart to lift my girls up so much more in prayer, releasing them to the care of God and doing my part that God has asked of me as their mom. In the last 10 days since I picked this study I have been short with my girls, I have felt worn down and discouraged, I have been on the verge of every emotion women feel. I haven't felt more hurt than today when I let a total stranger stir in me anger rather than love. 

We were at Target (for the 5th time this week) finishing up school shopping and birthday party favor shopping. I usually don't let the girls roam free in the toy aisles because we are curbing the "I want this" attitude, but Kiki just got birthday money from GG Sylvia so why not look. The girls head down the 2 girly aisles while I head over to the clearance stuff just to see the goodies. They are not unsupervised for more than 2 minutes and they are all together. As I turn the corner, the older girls leave the aisle and I see Mattie pushing a baby stroller with 3 other strollers folded on the floor (these came from a shelf above Mattie's reach), a Barbie box, and about 2 other toys in the middle of the aisle. I laugh and say, "What did you find?" There is a mom in the aisle by now as I start picking things up and putting them back (realizing that 3 of the toys came from another aisle entirely). I make some cute comment (with a little laugh)- "Wow, what a mess! She couldn't have done all this, I was only around the corner for 2 minutes"

All the mom said in a sarcastic tone was - "How long have you been a mom?" 

Ummmm....What? Did I just get an ice skate to the knee? What does that have to do with anything? Because you have 4 kids from 3-13, you know more about raising children? Or is it that you know how fast a kid can destroy a toy aisle from experience and now you want to be all superior because it's happened to someone else? I'm "that mom" who's in denial about what a terror my cute little 2 year old is? 

I tried to let it roll off and just said - "I'm sure that my girls would have tattled on each other if it was my girls" to which she responded, "I'm sure." We left the toy section as fast as we could before I said something I would later have to apologize to my kids for. 

By the time I got to the car, I was praying for that mom (even though I was still upset). I thought about how she must have needed to feel better than me at being a mom in that moment or maybe she thought she was teaching me instead of insulting me. Whatever it was, I am letting go. I need to realize that the situation got heightened in my mind because of the spiritual battle inside right now. I don't need others telling me I'm a good mom for it to be true. I need to be looking to Jesus and following Him. I want to encourage all of you moms reading this - you are doing a great job even on the days you don't think so! Your kids are safe in God's arms and He loves them more than we love them. 

Long time coming

The second half our trip in the NW consisted of the Hires team of 5 going to the Oregon coast. We had never been just us on a vacation before. It was so much fun. I had a hard time choosing pictures to highlight (there were too many). We stayed a block off the beach in Cannon Beach so there was plenty of sand time, we had a pool at our condos so there was much afternoon swimming, we went to Tillamook and took a tour & had some cheese and ice cream, we made it out to Haystack Rock at low tide, we travelled up to Seaside to ride the carousel and buy cheap souvenirs. We stayed up late and got up late. We made it to the park, to dinner out and dinner in. Clam chowder and fish 'n chips. The girls went along with pretty much anything and there was little complaining (well, except the wind on the beach was pretty miserable). We ended our trip with the Rose Gardens in Portland. It was an amazing time of bonding and de-stressing. Even when I had to work, T was amazing with entertaining the girls so I could have quiet. I was sad to miss friends while we were so close but we will be there at Christmas and I am excited to be able to celebrate my BDay with friends this year! So here's to having more vacations with just the Hires team

Recap of Vaca in the NW

Click below to see the pics of: 

Hires Family Reunion

We've been back for a week and I finally feel like life is coming back into order. For the first time since Disneyland (before Mattie was born) we took a family vacation. The great thing about this trip was that for four days we were able to spend time with T's extended family AND we got alone time with just the 5 of us on the Oregon coast. Before the reunion, I had met many of his aunts/uncles and cousins in the last 8 years but it was fun to have everyone together. We stayed on a lake in Covington, WA over the 4th of July and just relaxed (and played!!)

Tracy and Kiki learning the art of archery

The entire Hires clan (minus a couple of cousins)

Tracy took the girls out on a paddle boat

Mataya Jane & Mathea Jane (2nd cousins who have bonded over their names)

Daily Face Painting

The sweetest time of the reunion was to hear updates from each person there on Saturday night. I am truly blessed to be a part of such a godly family so focussed on serving God. Thanks to all who made the weekend such an amazing time - let's not put 6 more years in between our next reunion. (And yes, next time I will volunteer to help plan!! : > )

Happy Birthday, Monkey!

It's a good thing I love her...

For months Ellie has been talking of nothing else but how she is oh so grown up and ready to get her ears pierced. I got mine done when I was younger than her and didn't have a problem while T needed some convincing. She was ecstatic to know that her big gift would be to go to Lollilocks (a kids' salon), get her ears pierced, get a sticker and a certificate of accomplishment. I made the appointment and she talked non-stop about it for all vacation. Even this morning she woke up at 5:30am and wanted me to count down the hours until her appt at 1pm. 

We arrived, sat in the chair, took some pictures, they made the dots, she saw the ear guns (they do both ears at the same time) and fear struck her in a way I've only seen a few times before. 

I made sure she realized that I was okay if she went through with it or not. I reminded her that she had thought of little else in the past few weeks and that it would hurt for only a moment. She would relax for only a moment and then tense up in fear, throw her shoulders to her ears and shake her head violently. We decided to leave after 20 minutes and go home to watch girls getting their ears pierced on YouTube. She promised me if we went back, she would be brave and so we went back.

This is our second attempt. There were buckets of tears and pleading for more time to think about it. She's talking to her Papa on the phone. Who knows what they talked about but it didn't help - she was still petrified. I gave up at 45 minutes AFTER seeing a 3 1/2 yr old get her ears pierced. I told her I would wait in the car for her to come out (since she told me through her tears she wasn't leaving until she got her ears pierced; she just needed more time to think about it!!) One of the gals who was doing the piercing whispered in Ellie's ear something about taking deep breathes (I was told later) and Ellie ran to me at the door, told me she was ready to get it done and ran back to the chair. She sat on my lap, clenched her eyes as tight as she could and waited. It took 2 seconds, she opened her red, tear stained eyes and says, "That wasn't bad at all". WHAT?? I'm ready for a second vacation and she's flying high with pretty new pink studs in her little ears. 

Happy 6th Birthday, Big Girl! I'd do it all again with you. You are a shining light and I am so pleased God decided to let me be your mom.

Mystery Revealed

For all of my Facebook friends who have been very curious about the "article" I've been writing, here's the deal...

I have a friend who's the meat and potatoes behind a magazine published and distributed on the East Coast (Go to Dovetales.com to see more). He's Editor, Photographer, Designer, Writer, what did I leave out? He's been getting busier these days as the popularity of the mag is increasing and the quality of writers has been hit or miss. I was challenged to take my writing to another level and now here I am with a 1200 word baby on vintage Halloween decorations and the history of Halloween. Oooo Ahhh. It's so not a subject I cared about before and even now I can't believe I turned out a decent write on it, but let me tell you - it was fun, challenging, and nerve-racking as the deadline came and went and then a little stressful to wait to hear from the "big guy" whether I had a trash liner or a decent article on my hands. He gave it a 'very nice' which means "give yourself a pat on the back, lady"!

Who knew? I didn't get any $$ for this one, but there may be a future in more writing that actually pays some pennies. We'll see. It's a little like giving birth - a lot of complaining and moaning while it was in the process but once it was here, it's beautiful and I could do it again. I may even let you read it if you ask nice. It won't be out until the fall and maybe by then, this news will have been replaced with something far more interesting. And there you have it...

I Surrender All (even Fashion Sense)

I remember when my cousin had her first baby shortly after I had Ellie while I was pregnant with Kiki. I was worried about how I was going to handle keeping 2 babies alive and thriving without losing my mind and she was concerned about perfect parenting.  Her mom told me that she couldn't stand for her daughter to have a dirty face - that it was somehow a reflection of bad parenting... I just chuckled to myself at the thought of what a rude awakening she was in for when that little bundle would first spit out mashed peas on her last clean outfit while at a restaurant or throw up all over her at the mall. 

I learned pretty early that my controlling tendencies would be tested time and again and that there would be daily surrenders of wills as I picked my battles. My 2 older girls started 

dressing themselves at a very young age. They usually needed help with buttons and tights but with little princesses that always wanted to wear dresses, there wasn't too much embarrassment or a fear that there was a poor reflection on my mothering due to their clothing choices. 

I just chuckle daily as my 2 year old comes down the stairs, ready to start her day - NEVER in a dress voluntarily, never with matching top & pants but ALWAYS with a smile on her face as she's empowered to make her own choices! So here's to daily surrender - I delight in knowing that my kids feel loved and secure in themselves!

Heavenbound

Grandma Sugar went home to be with Jesus last night. They found cancer and when they laid out her options she liked the one where the streets are golden and there is rejoicing with Grandpa Joe. She lived a wonderful life and has left an amazing legacy in her children and grandchildren. She was Tracy's grandma but she accepted me and made me feel like one of her own granddaughters. When T and I got engaged, she sent me a tea cup. I added it to my collection and can't wait to smile and think of her each time I have tea with it. She had a twinkle in her eye and a love in her heart for all. She made the girls feel special and always had space by her side or on her lap for 1 more baby! 

Grandma, we love you and we couldn't hope for a better home for you. Go in peace and know you will always be in our hearts until we see you again!

When Daddy Cat is Away...

Mommy cat gets no sleep and the mice - Oh do they PLAY and PLAY and PLAY...

I thought I would offer up a cute picture as a token of my sorrow that I haven't been visiting with my friends from far and near on-line the last few weeks. My heart is pounding with anticipation of trying to get my update typed before my chitlins (a word my dad used to use when referring to his offspring) wake up. 

Ellie and Kiki are wearing oranges shirts that support Denver's arena football team - Colorado Crush. We are friends with the kicker on the team and he offered to go to Ellie's class during the last week of school. He made Ellie's year! To everyone's surprise, he brought t-shirts and then signed them all! The girls didn't take them off for a few days after!  

So, I now officially have a 1st grader and a kindergardener! WHAT? I had tears in my eyes as Kiki stood there in her black t-shirt and hat smiling and accepting her "I graduated from Pre-school" diploma. Ellie's school had a little less pomp & circumstance but she got the go ahead to move from the Kindergarden Building to the Big Building at her Elementary school in their all school assembly!

I've been falling in like with my new computer one day at a time. The tutoring has been a HUGE help and I've even been making DVD slide shows, we've been Skyping (video chatting) while T is in KY, and streamlining all my work docs to make my life just that much easier. Maybe one day you too will get to see my DVD masterpieces of the girls growing up before your very eyes through pictures and song! 

Tracy (and his dad who was visiting) planted a flower garden for me on Mother's Day in our front yard. Since then it is just getting more and more beautiful (the picture doesn't do it justice)! My backyard garden is also green but most of the flowers will bloom later in the summer. The girls really wanted to grow veggies this year. There have been some snafus with the new dog who loves to dig and our horrible clay dirt so the only thing in bloom is pumpkins. We'll see what becomes of that! 

This is Tracy's second week away to Louisville, KY. The girls and I did awesome last week since it was the last week of school. Our schedule was full with a birthday party, the end of school parties, the end of gymnastics for Kiki, kids eat free on Tuesday at Chick-Fil-A and the pool opening. Tracy came home at 9:30pm on Friday and left at noon on Sunday. His time home was too short and now I am exhausted. For now, I will endure the 5 am walks with the dog, the later bed times with the girls, the frequent trips to the pool where I am between the big pool and the baby pool and the playground and the begging to go out to eat every chance we get (that's the begging that goes on inside my own head!)

One last thing, Tracy and I are trying to find time to go back to the NW (aside from our family vacation in July) to visit with Grandma Sugar. Tracy's dear g'ma is in her 90s and isn't doing well. Please pray that we can find the time and money to get back and love on her very soon. 

Our New Addition

She's a girl! Her name in Sadie and here's our story - 

On Saturday morning, I walked out of the gym with the girls (Tracy wasn't with us) to be welcomed by the humane society mobile unit. That very morning, Tracy had made the comment that he thought we were ready to talk about a family pet. With that in mind, I allowed myself to be talked into stopping. We met the dogs and then went into the trailer where the cats were. Ellie is allergic to cats but of course she wanted to make sure (thank you, Benadryl, for your fast acting ingredients!)  Five minutes and one puffy eye later we needed to leave. As we were leaving, we met this adorable puppy who didn't jump up when we talked to her, was gentle and licked the girls to her hearts content. I reassured the girls that we were NOT ready to get a dog but that maybe daddy would take them to pet dogs at the humane society. The girls wore Tracy down that very afternoon and we went as a family into the Humane Society so they could pet the cats and dogs. 

On the way there, I told the girls - we were going to look and not to get their hopes up. (I wasn't coming home with a dog, that was for sure!) Tracy had the final say and I was confident that he wouldn't be swayed by pleading eyes and a cute face. I also mentioned the puppy we saw, but I was sure she would have been adopted this morning. As we walked through the dogs, I was relieved that she wasn't there to sway me, but sure enough, she was meant to be a part of our family - the mobile unit came back and she was being led back into her kennel as we were picking out a dog to visit. 

She's very comfortable here. We've only lost a few polly pocket dolls, some magnets too low on the frig and a couple of non-important stuffed animals. I freaked out only once when she jumped into my flower bed to pee, but at least it was outside! She actually likes her kennel and is pretty obedient.  The girls have found contentment in having a pet, although I don't think they will be learning quite as much responsibility as Tracy would have liked. They feed her treats, run the brush across her fur once or twice and fight over who's walking her around the house with her leash on while Tracy's the one on the early morning and late night walks. All in all, not too bad of an impulse purchase on our part. 

In times of pain...

I realize that our time here on this earth is precious. At this hour, my boss and friend Kris is trying to process the impending loss of her mother. She has flown to Iowa to be with her family and they are now waiting. Her mother is terminal and has been given less than a month to live. Her mom informed the family last night - "Tomorrow will be my last day". She is in hospice waiting for her body to fail. The family has been up and down. I have talked to Kris at least twice a day, sometimes she's on the verge of tears and sometimes she is on control and it's business as usual.

Kris is not a follower of Jesus and so last night I was the one holding back tears as she retold what had happened to her earlier in the day. She had to be back today and was really stressed about missing work among others things. She asked God to help her through this pain and confusion of so much unknown. Almost immediately, God brought someone into her life that reminded her that she needed to be there for her mom. She recounted that a peace came over her as she started making arrangements for staying longer. The airlines changed her flight at no cost due to their bereavement policies, I will be going to the business closing in her stead (which is something I NEVER do but am capable of doing) and everyone in our business has been VERY understanding and patient. She realized that it was God and that was the only explanation for her peace after she prayed. THIS IS HUGE!!! This is my first glimmer of hope in our 5 year relationship. Please pray for the chance to really share eternal hope with Kris and for her salvation. Please pray that her family will all find peace as they say their final good-byes. 

 

Life is Full of Changes

I have always thought of myself as someone who likes change - in the 5 years after college I moved about 8 times (with a couple of housesitting jobs that served as "home" for a few months). I enjoyed packing/repacking, meeting my neighbors, exploring all the hidden treasures of each new place. I've also had many jobs that have tapped into many of my talents. I've been a babysitter, house cleaner, tea hostess, waitress, photographer, marketing assistant, barista, children's ministry director, bookkeeper, and now lawyer's assistant among other things. 

Okay, so here's the thing. Tracy got me a new computer (which I really needed for work). He went on and on and on (yes, I do still love you, T!) about how fantastic Mac computers are. So, I became convinced that it would indeed make my life easier and I would too be in love with a Mac Book. I have had this thing for almost a week and I don't remember a more challenging change in my life!

The parts of my job that I got very good at on my PC take me more than double the time. Some of the features that I enjoyed on Word, they don't offer on Mac Pages. Oh, I have questioned the choice quite a lot this week! Tracy even purchased tutoring sessions for me with our local Apple store. I have a YOUNG 20-something teaching the "old lady" anything that I want to know. How humbling! 

I have had to take some deeps breaths, calm down, and realize over and over that the old adage is so very true, "the more I learn the less I know". I am learning more about myself and how I am wired. I have to wrap my mind around whatever my new endeavor is, think through possible obstacles and have plausible solutions just in case. At the core, I have a compulsive need to feel in control.

I'm daily letting go, learning more about surrender and am becoming a student all over again. Can't wait to say - I love my Mac and can't imagine why I didn't become a convert earlier. For now, if you feel a gust of wind as you walk out your front door in the days to come, don't worry, it's just me trying to stay calm and letting out a HUGE SIGH!!!

Approaching the Throne

I was away this weekend on a Women's Retreat sponsored by our amazing church family. We (bout 80 of us) took a trek through the mountains and landed in Buena Vista, Colorado. The first night was short and morning came quickly. I was so very tired but I knew I had to get out of bed to join the early risers for the continental breakfast since brunch would be 2 1/2 hours later and I would be starved if I didn't get a snack. As I returned to the room, still unsure why I chose to be awake so early, my mom opened our blinds to see a very friendly deer. He and I stood staring and talking for many moments. I let him know that I wanted him to stay so that I could capture him on camera. He of course was very curious about me so he approached our room and waited for my return. We chatted - he was a great listener and I was a happy talker. He posed for me, taking beautiful steps and making regal poses. As I left our rendevouz, my spirits were lifted and I was at peace that I was exactly where I needed to be for the weekend.

He was an amazing reminder to me that he seemed to trust me although he had no idea if I would pick up a stone and hurt him, if I would indulge him and give him something to eat or if I just desired to take in his beauty. There was caution but no looming fear that I would be anything but kind.

Aren't we invited before the throne of our King much in the same way that this sweet creature was wooed to my room that morning? In awe and in the stillness, we approach knowing that although our God has power beyond our comprehension there is a peace as we know that God delights in our presence. We can come before his throne, have sweet words with our Maker and leave with a sense that we were meant to be in fellowship in that very moment. Oh, dear friends, I pray that whatever turmoil, struggles, or hard times you are experiencing, come before the throne knowing you are safe, you are adored and you can have a peace that passes all understanding. 

Easter Memories

Searching for the last eggs of the day

Happy Rebirth-Day to Me!

This last weekend was my 28th Rebirth-day. I was 4 years old when I went to a huge Easter contada/play put on by my church. Along with 1,200 people, I sat in awe of seeing Jesus (he looked like all the Bible pictures I had ever seen anyway) for the first time - interacting with kids my age, raising men of a tomb and teaching us all(while a choir sang the appropriate hymns and songs at the right time). My heart then was changed as the church went completely dark and all that was heard was BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. Then a single light came on to illuminate Jesus on the cross. I knew at that moment that it was all for me. He was hanging on the cross for me. I remember being sad and excited all at the same time. I don't remember too much more except that I said a prayer which began my spiritual journey with Christ as my Savior. My life has been sealed for eternity. My sins have been forgiven. I am seen as clean, I am unconditionally loved, I am a child of the Almighty. Although Easter Day is over, I love that Easter means just that much more to me.

New look, New thoughts

On Sunday (I say that like it was a week ago. I can't believe it was yesterday) Tom talked on Colossians 1:17-18 which says:
He himself is before all things and in him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything.
The challenge that I was left with was as Christ is to have first place in everything, does my outer daily walk match my inner reality? Does the reality that Christ lives in me - making me alive to Christ & dead to sin - manifest itself in the way that I talk, the thoughts that I think, the people with whom I choose to spend time? Is it clear that Christ has priority over everything in my life?
As we read in these verses, reality is we know that Christ is the Creator, is eternal, is the sustainer of all things, Head of the Church, and He is alive from the dead (firstborn). That's real & true.
My ideal walk would be that my view of reality would line up, be in perfect harmony with God's reality. When we have the right, true, proper view of God we then can walk in God's will, knowing that it is what we desire for our lives, too.
I find myself in spiritual warfare right now in my life. The closer I come to aligning my reality with God's reality, as I learn more about Him, the more oppressed, saddened, discouraged I become in my thoughts (the less peaceful sleep I seem to get).
I feel as though I have a long way to go to sort out these thoughts. My deepest desire is to never water down the truth. I don't ever want people I meet to be confused as to what I believe and where I place my hope & trust. I want to have a heart that demonstrates through loving actions.
I desire that every outward expression be a reflection of the very intimate relationship I have with Christ. The One who allows me to weep at His feet, turns toward me and declares your sins have been forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace (Luke 7:48,50).
This is my feeble attempt to show you just a piece of my inner reality.

Which Book of the Bible Are You?

So at LifeGroup tonight, I shared that I took a test to see what book of the Bible I resembled. I was the book of I Corinthians with Leviticus & Proverbs close behind. T is the book of John with Romans as a close 2nd. Are you curious? Take the test.

My Covenant

I've been reading through the book For Women Only - what you need to know about the inner lives of men. It has been made into a Bible Study that I am also working through on Wednesday mornings with about 30 other women. We come from all walks, married & unmarried, with & without kids, newlyweds & married for over 25 years. Our discussions are lively and honest. Today, we talked about sex. Yep, I said it - it was more than just pillow talk, ladies. But what I took away and wanted to ponder this week was the aspect that my marriage is a covenant not a contract. Contracts are written up & the legal jargon usually pertains to "you uphold your end and we'll uphold our end". A covenant is a formal, binding promise made between 2 people under seal. It sounds so very royal and yet isn't that the picture we should have of what our relationship with God AND our marriage? God has made it very clear that He has given us a relationship that is a covenant. He doesn't make a contract with His children - if you obey me I will bless you. You screw up and I will blast you. You don't respect me, I'm outta here and good luck in eternity! No, He makes it very clear that He is a God of grace and mercy, a fierce God of justice and a God of love. God also expects marriage to be a covenant - a promise that no matter what happens, there will be a tomorrow. I have not been married for a long time but I do feel that T and I have weathered some amazing storms in the past few years. God has been faithful AND just to give us blessings and allow us trials. Never have I ever felt that my relationship with Tracy was in jeopardy because I screwed up or didn't meet his expectations. We have a marriage covenant. That being said, I need to remember not to turn our daily lives into a contract arrangement. I cannot put conditions on my actions, on my emotions, on our commitment. We are not currently struggling with marital spats but boy do they hit me between the eyes when I least expect them. I am praying this week that I remember my relationship with my husband needs to be a reflection of the relationship that I have with God. Unconditionally loving, self-sacrificing, laying down of my pride and stubbornness, letting go of control and taking time to be with the one I adore.

Which Lost Character Are You?

Which Lost Character Are You?

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Just a Quick Update

I'm so busy my brain is moving faster than my fingers so excuse the bad typing today...

My skin is finally looking better, I am not completely healed but I do wear short sleeves when the weather is nice and I don't feel like people are staring. I started tanning (a suggestion from the dermatologist) and so I look great with tan skin and brown spots! They renamed it Guttate Psoriasis which means that if I ever get strep throat again I will go through this 3 month ordeal all over again - Oh Joy! My antibodies don't try to attack the strep bacteria, it gets confused and produces excess skin cells. What a psycho thing, I know, but what can I say - I've never claimed to be normal!

We've had renters in our Denver house for a month now and just little tiny hiccups. They signed an 18-month lease and are interested in buying when their lease is up. We'll see. God allowed money to be pretty tight for the 3 months of vacancy but He is faithful and we were never in financial trouble (just stressed out every now and again.)

The girls are good. Mattie started swim lessons and gymnastics. I finally decided it wasn't fair that the older girls had activities and that she just watched. My mom takes Mattie to her gymnastics class so she gets one-on-one time with Nana.

We are planning a trip to the Northwest in July. Most of the trip is booked with a family reunion and then a party of 5 family trip to the coast but we would love to see anyone who's around so let me know if you'll be around July 2-12.

Better get back to work. I'll write more about what's on my heart when I have time to sit and quiet myself.

Please Pray

We have been in touch via blog with some friends from our days in Denver. This last week they asked for prayer for their college friend who went missing last Wednesday from the Seattle area.
Nicholas called his wife to say he was on his way home from work on the 13th and hasn't been heard from or seen since. They found his car on the 18th but it has not given any clues as to where he could be.
I can't even truly imagine what Christine is going through right now. They have 2 little ones and she is pregnant with their 3rd child. Please pray that God will comfort Christine and give her peace as the days go by with no answers. Pray for the detectives as they follow up on any leads and pray for Nicholas. If you want more up-to-date info on the investigation here's the website: Nicholas

Photography

I have been getting more brave and so here is some of my recent photog work...

~Love~
~Joy~
Chilly Park Days
Childhood
Blue Skies, Blue Slide

Butterfly
Rose
Bumble Bees
Comfort

Sweetie