Thanksgiving pictures

Our first & last family road trip

I am writing this blog to retell the experience and to remind myself (when I get far enough away from it and can't remember) why I know it's not a good idea to take a family road trip...

I took the girls on a road trip to Indiana last September with my parents. No snafus - Mattie was still taking 2 naps a day, the DVD player worked and we took lots of fun stops (oh yeah, and my dad drove through the night!) They had a great time.
Our Thanksgiving road trip ended up being anything but what we expected. Mattie got sick 36 hours before we left on our first family road trip out of Colorado. We left home around dinner time on the Friday before Thanksgiving. We soon discovered the DVD player wasn't working and the girls weren't at all interested in coloring or reading books. Mattie got worse as the night went on. I ended having to pull her out of her seat about 11:00pm and let her sleep on my chest in my seat belt since her high fever was causing her to scream incessantly and keeping the other girls awake.
Tracy didn't last as long driving as he thought, so we had to stop for the night (oh yeah, after Mattie threw up all over me!) The girls complained more than I thought they knew how but we finally made it to La Center, Washington on Saturday night.
I decided to go up to Seattle so we could see Dave & Ingrid's new home. Tracy stayed in La Center to work so I was going solo. 45 minutes into our 2 1/4 hour trip, Ellie threw up her breakfast. I was able to find a gas station at the next exit just in time for Kiki to throw up (what I thought was a sympathetic move - since the smell was pretty bad). Well, after buying Gatorade for everyone, I made the decision to continue North. By the time we arrived, Kiki had a full blown fever (& one more up-chuck just for icing on the day). I found out I had work due to my boss about an hour too late and was scrambling to get some work done while still attending to my sick daughter and my well daughters! In spite of it all, we had a fun day and we all headed out to Saba & G'ma's house after dinner. My check engine light came on 10 minutes down the road! There was 1 day to find someone to look at the van before Thanksgiving (and we were leaving Friday for home). Did I miss anything, Tracy? Oh yeah, did I mention he was working the week we were there?
We had a sweet time seeing family, the van checked out, and the DVD player had power for the ride home. Ellie ended up getting sick as well while we were there - each child had it for 5 days with not too many days of overlap so it was almost 2 full weeks.
We were exhausted when we finally arrived home after 1 more hotel night's stay. Adding up our expenses, we saved about $300and lost 2 extra days to road travel rather than flying. SOOO not worth the savings : > ) We are a flying family and that is that. We look forward to being in the air in July when we visit the fam again. A little less money in the bank but a whole more sanity in the brain!

Potty, Mommy!

Whether she is just the strong silent type or she's got government secrets locked inside her little head that she can't tell us - Mattie never ceases to surprise with her actions (there are very few words)!
Tracy and I were gone for the weekend and got back late Sunday evening. With the time change, we figured we wouldn't get much time with Mattie (thought she'd pass out early), but she was a trooper and wanted to stay up celebrating her parent's return. I was getting her into her jammies, and we went into the bathroom to sit on the potty like every night. I'm pretty sure she was waiting until we got home to demonstrate her new found talent...She sat down and peed!
My cheers that came out of the bathroom are to be compared to a football game touchdown cheer. Everyone came running upstairs and started cheering for Mattie! She was so very proud of herself and gave everyone high-5s.
Looking back today with a clear head, I'm pretty sure it was all coincidence since she hasn't been at all interested in sitting on her little potty today, but it sure was a nice welcome home present. Maybe it won't be hard the 3rd time around! There's light at the end of the stinky diaper tunnel!

The Greatest Treasure

I didn't realize how much I missed Tom & Jen and their great cooking until last night. I had never experienced gourmet cooking within someone's home until I was introduced to Tracy's boss and wife 7 years ago. They live in this amazing kitchen (I mean home, with a GINORMOUS kitchen!) What comes out of that kitchen is music in my mouth no matter what it is and I am honored to sit at their table each time we are invited over. The food and conversation has been missed.
There is history between Tracy and Tom. Tracy became an "orphan" in their home as he moved to Denver and took an internship with Tom after college. There was a long hiatus from their cooking and their friendship as both families started having more children and Tracy moved to another job for a few years. We have been so fortunate to be reunited as Tracy is back working with Tom and our younger children are the same ages.
Tom's turning 40 tomorrow and so we went to his birthday party this weekend. There were new and old faces - laughing, talking, eating and recalling memories of Tom's yesterdays. Tracy works with a group of goof-balls who have so much fun together. Each of the men were there. Mark arrived late (the newsome to their office foursome), way overdressed, ready to go to a black tie event. Who was he going with? Someone he met at the dog park! He never ceases to amaze me. So very handsome, debonair, always meeting new people and sharing amazing stories. He makes you feel like an old friend from the moment you meet him. He's had lunches with millionaires and has had experiences like no other person I have ever known. His connections are impressive to say the least. He seems to have it all.
As he stood to go, we went to Tom's side, hugged him, wished him a great birthday, looked around the dinner table and said - It is an honor to know you all.
I couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the night. I looked around at each face; there were some great people sitting next to me and across from me. There is something amazing and sweet that happens when children of God come together who are open to sharing their faith, their lives and their love - Lives are touched in an eternal way. Mark is curious but has not accepted Jesus' love and forgiveness. He sees it everyday though and he is being pursued by the Holy Spirit. I don't know him all that well, but I think he would have rather stayed with us around that table than leave for his formal affair.
I am becoming more and more convinced that now is the time for deeper friendships. There are too many people searching for the answers I hold inside my heart. They need to see that Jesus doesn't live in the neighborhood church but inside his people. Be that friend, find that friend who needs you, share with that friend the greatest treasure. Chances are if you are living your life for Christ, they are already honored to call you friend.

2 Cornithians 4:7 - But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

These are a few of my favorite things

A friend blogged about her "favorite thing" in her home and so started my quest. Did I have a favorite thing? Was there something that I looked at daily that reminded me of my past, the blessings of my present or the hope of my family's future? Would it be a particular picture, a gift given long ago, or a trinket decorating an end table? I looked up from my computer and there they were. My teacups...In high school, I started collecting them. I love sitting and having tea (or hot cocoa) with the girls on a cold morning. They pick a different cup each time. I can point to each cup and tell the girls who it's from (as they ask almost every time we use them). Each cup has been a gift, I have never purchased one for myself. I have gotten cups from my mom, friends, Tracy's mom and grandma. Each woman has made an impact on my life in a great way. I look forward to the day when I can give the cups to my girls as gifts so they can pass on the gift of spending time together - talking, crying, praying together over a great cup of tea.

Let's Go Fly Kites

As soon as it came out of my mouth, I wished I hadn't said it...
"When Ellie gets home let's go fly kites!"
Today, I am tired from staying up 'til midnight working and have a lot of work to do today, but Kiki didn't get to go see a horse at preschool today (which almost devastated her little 4-year old heart!) and I was trying to make it up to her.

By the time Ellie was home from school, the newness wore off for Kiki so she didn't want to go and Ellie did. Now they're both crying (sooo many hormones!) Just great...Now, I have to put effort into convincing Kiki that kites will be fun and I don't even want to go.

We finally make it up the hill to the park with minimal complaining and the kites go up. The turn of all our hearts is amazing. We are laughing, cheering, running, yelling and having a blast being kids. I snapped this pic on my camera phone. It's not the best pic but it will forever remind me of that October day that I took time with the girls to enjoy the moment.

Jumping on the Band Wagon...

I remember the summer before we got married (6 1/2 years ago now) when everyone and their brother decided to be Colorado Avalanche fans. You'd better not wear red or mention anything about Michigan - you could have easily been lynched for using swear words like (shh Detroit Red Wings). It was exciting times as our Avs took us all the way to the Stanley cup finals and took the cup!!! My excitement for the team was one steeped in memories of a first date with Tracy (P.F. Changs & hockey - ahh those were the days), meeting Tracy's co-worker & wife (now GREAT friends) Russ and Nicole, meeting Jen & Micah downtown for dinner and hockey (and waiting for WM - white man- before crossing the street!). When we went to the games, we stood up to watch the action, skipped bathroom breaks, looked for ourselves on the jumbotron, cheered for hat tricks & fights, booed at penalties and really loved our team! By the time we knew they would make it to the Stanley cup, everyone seemed to be a fan. People who didn't even like hockey were talking about it - at work, the grocery store, church. You could stop anyone on the street and say "Go Avs" and you'd get a whoop. As we watched the final game on T.V. from Dave's loft, which happened to be in the parking lot of the Pepsi Center, we were as good as there. As the final game wrapped up and we were declared the victors, thousands of fans poured out of the stadium cheering, hugging strangers, holding already printed newspapers declaring victory - it felt like the biggest craze I had ever been a part of! We were all a part of that team. We had somehow helped the Avs win the highest honor in NHL.

Since 2001, all our teams in Denver have been struggling. Fans stop buying season tickets, the sports writers commentate bleak outcomes and enthusiasm for the sports are reserved for the die-hards. It's not as much fun to root for teams that are just so-so.

Well, hold on to your bats & ball gloves! Our Rockies are going to the World Series! Admittedly, I feel guilty that I am now one of "those fans" who is jumping on the band wagon as they are winning and playing an awesome game with as much action as baseball can have. I have been watching every game for the past 3 weeks and am so excited to be able to watch baseball in October (which hasn't happened for me in a VERY long time!)

I try to put a spiritual spin on pretty much everything that happens in my life but admittedly, this was a tough one. I mean really, we are talking about baseball here. But I couldn't help but feel that twinge of guilt - if only I could call myself a true fan... If only I had been to even 1 of their games this season. I could actually feel proud that they are my Rockies - that I am a part of what is happening down at Coors Field. But instead, I am trying to reap all the benefits of victory without any of the misery of sitting through lost games and boring 9-inning snoozers. The Rockies weren't looking so hot even 3 months ago in the midst of their season. The stands weren't full and people were losing hope of even making the play-offs.

Dear Christians, don't lose hope. We have already claimed the victory! Even though we know the outcome, we aren't exactly sure how it will all play out. Wouldn't we love to take the benefits of heaven with all that God has to offer us in eternity without the losses? It'd be great to jump on the band wagon right before Christ's return and go straight onto glory without all the spiritual struggles that plague us as believers today. It would be great to skip over the tough parts of life and move straight onto victory, but there never seems to be an easy way to winning it all. If there weren't losses, the winning would not be as sweet. Along the way of life, there will be critics and cynics, those who don't believe that victory is imminent. Don't listen to Satan and his lies, keep focused on your goals God has planted in your heart and be an active part of this life God has called you to. There is so much more joy in being a part of something huge when you are invested and know all the pain and struggles it took to get here. Be thrilled, for the journey is part of the victory!

Play ball! Go Rockies!
(If I'm too corny today - I apologize)

If you give a Mom a Muffin

By Kathy Fictorie
based on "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Numeroff

If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself some.

Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. She'll wipe it up. Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. She'll remember she has to do laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper.

She will get out a pound of hamburger. She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow.

She will look for her checkbook. The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. She'll smell something funny. She'll change the two-year-old. While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring.

Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. She will pour herself some.

And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Clear Cutting

This weekend I had a chance to go to the mountains with my mom and some friends for much needed time away (and a little marathon scrapbooking...). As we drove to our destination, I soaked in the beauty of the fall colors - the contrasting golden aspens with the evergreens and the purple hues canvasing the vista. From afar, the mountainside looked magnificent. But as we looked closer and as we drove further up in elevation, we could see the devastation. Acre after acre of dead evergreens, turning red then purple. The beetles have been thriving while we've been getting rain in the Rockies. Their feast has taken its toll on over 3/4 of the mature trees that we could see. But you know what? I never saw a beetle.
God has been talking to my heart a lot about sin lately. I've been thinking about how the secret sins in my life are like the beetles. These are the sins in my heart and thoughts that gnaw at me--the envy, the pride, the selfish desires that draw me away from pursuing holiness and a closer relationship with God.
When sin creeps in and takes hold of our hearts, the change is subtle. Maybe even from a distance we still appear beautiful (well put together and in control) but as we take a closer look at the details of our lives, there is death. As long as there is sin that is allowed to have hold, there is ugliness that will hinder vibrant growth in our lives. There are parts of us that need to be clear cut so that new life can receive light and grow.
As I continued to survey the mountainside, I saw new life. Baby trees that had been growing for a few years but were apparently too little for the beetles feast on. It will take a couple of years to cut down all the dead trees throughout this mountain region. As soon as the dead trees come down, there will be room for the small trees to grow faster.
How true is that for our own lives? When we throw off the sin that so easily entangles, it allows us to see that when the Holy Spirit dwells in us there is still awesome work being done. When we clear away the distractions, we see new life and new chances to draw closer to God. What are your secret sins that are eating you alive? Identify them and do it fast. Ask God to clear away any sin that is not allowing you to pursue a holy life that brings God glory.
Be a beautiful picture of God's creation from afar and close-up.

Tag, You're It!

I was tagged by my friend Suzanne so now you've been tagged - Come on, it'll be fun. Eight random facts about yourself posted on your blog (or email them to me...) So here are mine:

1. I've been 5'8" since I was 13 years old.

2. I was pulled over for the first time EVER (and given a speeding ticket) this summer - that's a clean record of over 15 years down the tube.

3. I haven't been skiing since 1990 (travesty for many reading this)!

4. In elementary school, my favorite color was brown.

5. In college, I sat in a courtroom when a man was given a life sentence for murder.

6. I gave the speech at my high school graduation on a dare.

7. I was a cheerleader for the EBCS Eagles Basketball team.

8. When I was 18, I hit and killed a cow on a road trip to the Grand Canyon.

Tears & Sympanthy

The past few weeks have been hard. When I challenge myself to stay near to the feet of my Father, I start to feel hurt. Sometimes, it's my own pain and sorrow and sometimes it's that of others.
It's been about 10 days now that my friend was late to brunch. When she arrived she looked frazzled and torn. We cried and prayed together as she shared of her husband's physical abuse earlier that morning. My heart aches and cries for her as she continues to emotionally heal and tries to forgive and seek counsel and move forward. Not 48 hours later, I received news that a friend lost her 3rd child (her 1st boy) in her womb and would have to deliver a beautiful stillborn baby the next day. Her sorrowful words still echo in my heart as she recounted the days that followed in an email to friends.
I have not been able to do much more than offer tears and sympathy. I have never been through these difficult valleys, nor do I have much to offer in the way of wise words. I am so impressed at the strength in Christ that my friends have demonstrated. I have been humbled that each woman has acknowledged their dependence onGod and that holding on to His strength is the only way that these dear friends can face another day.
There is hope and there is peace when we sit at His feet and pour out our hearts to the One who has taken on more pain than anyone can fathom. There is comfort knowing the Great Comforter knows my name and has a purpose for my life. We may not have the answers and it may not be clear where to go from here, but we certainly can know that there is purpose in all that we experience. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8).

I've been Thinking

I really haven't been writing much lately. I haven't been doing much talking recently, either, at least on a deep spiritual or even intellectual level. I think I've been afraid.
I was reading through some old college journals this week and realized that I have forgotten much of the old days. In college, I made it a habit on a frequent basis to grab my Bible, my journal and head over to the chapel. God and I communed for hours over my fears, joys, struggles, hopes and dreams. I'm sure I could point out tear stains on the pew where I always chose to sit. I would tell him everything as I wrote page after page - dreaming some day that my words were so amazing that they would inspire others to live a life of passionate servitude for Christ (or at least that someone would learn from all my stupid mistakes and make better choices when it came to guys, jobs or haircuts). The writings are really nothing more than an emotional girl who chose to write down every thought that crossed her mind, nothing inspiring about them.
So coming back to my fear. I may not know my hopes and dreams right now. I believe that when we are in touch with our awesome Creator, face to face with no distractions we not only find out more about who He is but who He created us to be. No matter where we've been in life or the path we are on presently - God is honest with us about where we need to be going. I haven't been writing, I haven't been crying, I haven't been talking, I've been reacting. I have been allowing life to happen around me and I respond. No time for stopping. My coffee doesn't even make it into my favorite mug these days. It goes straight into a travel mug suitable for the mini van cup holder as I drive the caravan of kids to and from school each morning. I work for Kris (my boss) until midnight so that I can be at the gym, at Bible study, at MOPS during the day.
I can't stop to think, to talk, to write.
I have a journal that has 4 pages written on from this last year. I want it filled by Christmas. I need it filled with my hopes, dreams, struggles, fears, joys and memories. I need to be reminded of this time in my life so that maybe someone in the future will read my words and know that I was a child of the Most High God who wasn't too busy to sit at her Father's feet and weep, listen, worship, learn. Please join me...Anyone? Tell me I'm not alone.

My Oldest Cutie Patootie's 1st Day

For all of you who told me not to cry today - I didn't, but boy did I get a lump in my throat. She made me proud. She hung her Hello Kitty backpack up on the hook, walked into a classroom of new kids (most speaking Spanish at the time), sat down and never looked back. I was holding Mattie (who was sleeping peacefully on my shoulder) and realized that all too soon I would have to let her go, too. For all the stress I have associated with a messy house, constant laundry, changing diapers, playing chauffeur, and staying consistent at every turn, I wouldn't trade it for all the riches of this world!
It happened so gradually. I was just rocking Ellie to sleep yesterday in a small apartment, telling her she needed to stop growing and the world needed to stop spinning so I could take it all in.

My Cutie Patootie's 1st Day!

So I'm not one to get all sentimental and start crying for what is past but how did I get to be blessed with such beautiful girls that are growing up so fast that I'm starting to tell them...Do you know where I was 4 years ago today? Well, let me tell you, four years ago I went to bed knowing that I would have a second beautiful little girl by this time tomorrow. "That's so cool"is uttered in return (words that I am treasuring since they will not be said about things I say too much longer.)

Kiki started at her new Preschool today after a long 2 week break from summer camp, camping with Saba & Grandma and swim lessons. She's so proud of her "Me Poster" that she made all by herself (mom only transcribing details of her "I Love..." list). She got to celebrate her birthday today by bringing brownies, ringing the bell 4 times for her age, and wearing a crown for most of the day. Tomorrow, is my ACTUAL birthday she kept telling everyone today, but she was super excited for the opportunity to rake in the "Happy Birthday"s as they were handed out a day early.
She loves her new teacher Miss Stephanie and I'm excited to see how she thrives in a smaller school where she is loved.
Here are the inseparables: Alianna, Ellie, Kiki & Delaney - posing as they have all summer for their camera crazy moms who have to chronicle everything for their HUGE scrapbooks! I'm excited for them all. I am praying that Kiki and Ellie do well being apart experiencing new schools and new friends. They decided that sharing a bedroom was a good idea, and since mom and dad are gullible and believe that this actually might work, I'm sure they will have hours of whispering sessions ahead of them as they stay connected. Ellie debuts kindergarten tomorrow! Here we go!

Camping

Tracy's parent's came into town last Thursday.

After watching Ellie at gymnastics, Kiki at ballet and Mattie just being cute (endearing herself to Saba by following him around calling - "Baba"), we went camping near Aspen. We went on nature walks, we went swimming in Glenwood Springs and sat through 2 afternoon rain storms through the valley. The girls collected flowers and rosehips (the girls learned they have lots of vitamin C but taste yucky), helped keep the fires going, made mouse soup, played games, drew pictures, played in Saba & G'ma's car and explored every inch of our campsite. We got dirty, cold, hot, tired, bored, wet, excited. The girls had fruit snacks, hot cocoa, s'mores, pancakes and chips! Mom and dad got a date night into town. All-in-all a great trip!

Through a Valley

We were given a 30 day notice by our tenants today. What a shock! As some of you recall, we took a HUGE step of faith when we bought our current home and moved last May. We were sure that God would supply all our needs according to OUR plans by selling our first home in enough time that there would never be 2 mortgages owed in the same month...
Even though we felt the hand of God moving us here and it has been an awesome experience in God's providence, He has taught us a lot about how His plans are not ours. Finding renters, being landlords, losing money through hot water heaters and tree removal were only a few of the lessons we were blessed with experiencing. We have come this far unscathed and yet there is still fear gripping my thoughts as we find ourselves in a financial dilemma once again.
I ask you to pray that we stay in tune with God. As a friend reminded me recently, I need to desire to learn during the valley and not just pray my way to high ground! Should we rent or try to sell in this flat market? I need to mourn the loss of my first home. We were stubborn last year and didn't lower our offering price soon enough.
I am surrendering to the truth that my ways are not His ways. I just need to let go. I took my pictures and memories with me and the future will now be for someone else - no matter what the cost...

Stuff is Just Stuff...

Until it's my wedding ring!
So Tracy always gives me a hard time about how I leave my rings on my nightstand and go about my day (I have finger claustrophobia issues but that's another therapy session). I went to the gym on Saturday, tied my rings to my tennies, went for a run on the treadmill, stopped to re-tie my shoe halfway through my run and went home.
An hour later, through teary eyes I kicked myself for being the most irresponsible person EVER for forgetting that my rings were tied to the shoe that came untied. Before Tracy left to go find my rings he says, "It's just stuff." Thanks to a quick phone call and Isaiah at the front desk my "stuff" was retrieved.
Through this experience, I have realized how sentimental I am. They are so much more than just stuff. As I was explaining to Ellie why mommy was crying, I got in touch with the fact that memories are sometimes embodied in things that we hold dear and sometimes take for granted until we come face to face with their loss. My treasure is in heaven, but for now I will be grateful that we won't be ring shopping anytime soon.

Drinking Fountain

This past weekend I had the privilege of seeing some former college friends (I didn't say OLD!) We had a great time catching up, sharing pictures, meeting new people in their lives and realizing that even though time passes there's much to be said for the close friendships formed in college. The most significant point over the weekend though was to hear an old (yes old) professor speak (David Needham). This man of God hasn't changed his style of speech from the years I was at Multnomah! He made me laugh as he started hymn singing as he shared, he challenged me by his Bible memorization and most of all he pointed my to Christ once more.
His topic? Receiving the love of God. There's no greater challenge to a "doer" like myself than hearing again that I DO NOT have to impress God in order for His love to wash over me daily. I DO NOT have to DO in order for my life to qualify as worthwhile. We were to think of the one person who loves us most in our life. What is the first thing we must do when that person says, "I Love You"? We must accept their love.
His analogy has stuck in my head - Jesus is the Fountain of Living Water. When we were in college, we studied the chemical properties of the Fountain of Living Water, we knew the Ph balance of the water, the ins and outs of how we could drink from it and it would satisfy. We can know that Fountain of Living Water better than we know anything else on earth, but until we drink from it, receive its properties, gulp in its goodness, we will be standing before our only way to life dying of thirst.
How do you stop a doer dead in her tracks? Point me again to the Fountain and remind me - DRINK! Receive it, Receive God's Love. That's all He's asking of me today.

Little Details

I took Mattie shopping today and I got a look into what I must have been like as a kid! We were walking by a rack of white capris on the way out of TJ Maxx. She stopped walking, looked at me, looked at the capris, looked back at me. She then concentrated on plucking off a small black thread that had somehow made its way onto the front of the capris. She smiled a HUGE smile as she proudly fingered and showed off her new treasure. I told her what a good job she did for pulling off the thread, but I then reminded her we had to go and pick up her sisters from art class. She looks from the thread, to the capris, to me and back to the thread. She then placed the thread back onto the capris (since hey we don't throw things on the ground!) and reached for my hand to leave. I got a chuckle out of the fact that she has such an eye for little details! Oh to find delight in our little black thread today!

When Did that Happen?

We went and had pictures taken today of the girls. I walked out of there in disbelief! I have 3 little girls! There's no baby living at my house anymore. Now, Mattie may think she's fooling us by not using her words, still walking around in diapers and well, she may still be SLIGHTLY bald!, but these pictures don't lie. She's a big girl on her way to doing big girl things.

Jesus Wept

It was almost fitting that as I drove into Boulder yesterday for the funeral it started to rain. The song on KLUV was "I Wish You Were Here". If ever there was a time when God spoke straight to the heart of sorrow - the time was yesterday. Thank you, God, for such an appropriate response to such a day. Brad was a servant, a leader, a man after God's own heart. He was funny, too. Tom (our pastor) reminded us of James 4:14 - You do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Brad spoke and lived God's Word. It's hard when men of God are taken earlier than we think they should be, but Jesus knows our pain and sorrow. He is no stranger to what we go through.
Please pray for traveling mercies on the Sherman family as they travel to Oklahoma for the burial.

Heaven is better than...

My dear sister in Christ, Loretta, lost her husband Brad yesterday. It was sudden and he was only 41. They have 2 boys, ages 8 & 11. The only thing she asks for is prayer. Please pray.
I've been searching my heart for the words to pray and so I've been thinking about Tracy. I've joked with him before - how I would be so mad at him if he ever died and left me alone. In reality, nothing shines on how I would really feel like having someone gone. Tracy's a pillar, he's my confident, my best friend, a hero, a co-conspirator, a real team player. He's kind, smart, funny, helpful and the girls love him with all their hearts, too. If God chose to take that away, there would be a HUGE void and I'm not sure I would be able to recover nicely. I now know what to pray when talking to Jesus about Loretta.
Today, I took the morning off from schedule planning, cleaning and working. I went for a walk to spend time with Mattie and enjoy this place God has me in right now. Things are sweeter this morning, I wasn't watching the clock like I had some place to be. I was thinking about how heaven is the greatest place ever (as my girls like to say). We play the game "Heaven is better than..." It's fun to hear what kids find so great in their life. Is Heaven really better than having all the princess stuff I want?
I want to be in Heaven, I want to be with Jesus, but I would rather Jesus come back and take us at the same time so we can stand there together at the gates and be in awe of the majesty and glory of it all. With tears in my eyes, I am grateful that my family is all here today. I mourn for Loretta and am trying hard to rejoice for Brad today, as he is face to face with His Savior saying, "Heaven is better than..."

Who Am I?

Click on the bar above for an awesome video - showing my computer ignorance right now.

Inadequate Servant

I have been dwelling on the idea of adequacy these past few weeks. As the Casting Crowns song goes, "Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?" or something like that. I constantly wrestle with who I have been called to be in Christ and who I am in my personality, my everyday living, and in my thoughts while I'm alone. I am not a natural people person, nor am I am extrovert. Growing up, I loved the show Grizzly Adams. Did you ever see that? I seriously had thoughts when I was younger that if I lived as a hermit in the mountains then maybe I wouldn't screw things up or say hurtful things or do dumb things that people would laugh about for years to come (I killed a cow once with a van - now that's comedy).
I have been trying to reach out and find more friends, to be enriched and be poured into. If only I had more wisdom, more time, more charisma to offer others, then I would be a better friend and have more friends. Instead of focussing on myself and what I do not have, I started praying for opportunities. I didn't really know what I was praying for or what I would be looking for, but I knew that God doesn't pass up a chance to challenge His children, especially when they ask for it.
Friends, my neighbors are hurting. They are crying out for change in their lives and they can't see an end. I have befriended our next door neighbor who is upside down on her rental properties and her own home trying to follow her dream of opening an elder-care home. She's so confused and overwhelmed. I have been able to help her pack, mow her lawn and pray with her. She has to move to the elder-care home since her administrator just quit but she doesn't want to lose her home in the process. I don't feel like I've done enough but it's what God has asked me to do right now. I have a friend who is lonely since her friend moved away. Their kids played together, they shared their lives together and life just won't be the same. We spent time together as families this weekend, we take their kids so she and her husband can go on dates, she and I talk, we'll get our kids together this summer for pool dates and play time, but it doesn't feel like enough. I have another dear friend in Christ who is struggling in her marriage. Her husband is rejecting Christianity right now and their kids can feel the tension in their home. We talk, I pray and encourage. It doesn't feel like enough but it's what God has asked of me right now.
I exhort you today - is there someone in your life you need to reach out to today? A phone call, a note to tell them you are praying, a prayer with them, sharing with them the hope that lies within your heart. Sometimes, it's the little things that God calls us to do that fit our personality, our giftings and our time line. Sometimes, God's calling takes us outside our comfort zone, making us wonder if we are the one He's really asking to step up to the plate and take on the burdens of others. Who am I? I'm not qualified, I won't say the right thing, I'm not the one, Lord. Hhhmm, probably not the only person who ever said that... Probably won't be the last person God will ever use, either. That's doesn't disqualify ME or you.
Be used today. Because He Is WORTHY!

Tattle-Tale

I think as parents, we're doing a pretty good job training our children to deal with their own little sqabbles without running to tattle every time something doesn't go their way. I daily ask, "Have you talked to your sister about this first?" to which the reply always seems to be, "Okay, mommy" as they run off to "talk" it out. I'm usually tuned into the next next few words out of their mouths and then make sure the issue gets resolved before moving on. It's not a perfect system, but it sure saves me a lot of time from being police on a daily basis.
When we moved from Denver, we didn't imagine our neighbors would be moving with us! It's been one year since we moved here and I find myself struggling today by a phone call I received from an overzealous retiree from our old neighborhood who called to tattle on our renters. We have been blessed with renters who always pay on time, are quiet, and have kept the house is good order. Sparing you the details, I ended up hanging up on a woman who was just short of yelling at me that I wasn't considering eviction over the fact that the renters' clothes are drying on our wood fence.
This is not the first phone call or the first conversation I have had with numerous neighbors who feel a sense of entitlement since they've lived there many decades, much like an older sibling who doesn't care for how their younger sister is treating her toys. Only they are not her toys and nobody is being hurt by what is going on...
I guess my only thought after all is this - Grow up and talk to them yourselves. Don't involve others in your quest for justice. Maybe if no one else is on your band wagon, you shouldn't be either.

Long Pause

I wish my life was like this blog sometimes. I could put my life on pause and come back to it with full force. Well, the reason for this long pause was NOT for rejuvination- quite the contrary I must admit.
So about 12 days ago, on a Sunday, after being up all night long with Ellie who had an earache we were heading out the door to the urgent care when I sprained my back. This weeping girl would not let her dad take her so I hobbled to my errand. We found out that not only did she have an ear infection but strep throat which Kiki was complaining of a sore throat just moments earlier (she HAD to come to the doctor to keep her sister company of course!) What a process of healing we have been on these past 2 weeks! After antibiotics and chiropractic visits and now physical therapy, we are getting back into the swing of normalcy.
What is normal? I've been thinking about priorities and goals and money lately. There are such diverse definitions of "normal" when putting our lives in order. I NORMALLY would take time to pray, be in God's Word, reach out to friends, try to keep my family sane and take time for myself. Lately, it's not been in that order. Some may say, well, you have to take care of yourself above all else or you can't do everything else. I'm tired of that lie. God takes care of me. He makes sure we have a roof over our head, our bills get paid and He gives me the strength to love my family and friends. Without that truth, I will never feel peace. I won't ever be aligned, healthy, on the right path to success and all those other buzz words I've been bombarded with the past few weeks.
I'm ready to get back to NORMAL.

Lost and Found

Have you ever lost something, looked for it frantically, stopped looking, (maybe even prayed a desperate prayer), opened your eyes and there was the thing you were looking for - staring at you laughing? Well, I lost my keys on Saturday morning. I went through the "I lost something" ritual on Saturday night, cleaning our house as I went and finding toys and other misplaced items, but not my keys. Tracy left for Seattle on Monday, leaving me his keys so I didn't have to ride city transportation! We really figured Mattie had turned into a clepto overnight and had a secret place where she was keeping important things hidden from mommy and daddy.
On my way to bed tonight, I think to myself, why did I bring Tracy's car keys upstairs tonight? There is a key sticking out from under a folded pillowcase on the floor. IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR BEDROOM, my keys have been hidden in plain sight for 4 days! The keys were laughing at me, people!
God, what was the point in this lost and found lesson? I have NO idea. I do know that I miss the obvious many times in my life though. I get so frantic doing eveything in my own power, sure that I have crossed all my 'I's and dotted all my 'T's, that I don't stop to really see what God is trying to show me. He's the One with the power. He's the One in control. He's not laughing at me. He's just sitting there in plain sight, waiting for me to find Him.

I need a drink

I've been reading Max Lucado's book Come Thirsty. I think that on this Good Friday this was a good reminder,

"Don't you need a drink? Don't you long to flush out the fear, anxiety, and guilt? You can...All ages welcome...In order for Jesus to do what water does, you must let him penetrate your heart. Deep, deep inside....Take special concern with the bottle labeled "religion."...Religion pacifies, but never satifies. Church activities might hide a thirst, but only Christ quenches it. Drink him. And drink often."

Cutie girls

Glam Girls - they got their hair curled for the Palm Sunday. They sang in front of the church. Ellie did great both services. Kiki did great 1st service singing and doing hand motions. She hid with her thumb in her mouth or giving me a pouty face 2nd service. 2nd service was the one I got on video!

Let's not go it alone

The only race I have ever trained for and ran is the Bolder Boulder. It's a 10K and it's every Memorial Day. I first ran it the year Tracy and I got married. There were 5 of us on our little training team and even though we didn't all finish together, I did have my partner Ephraim who encouraged me and kept me running for the entire race. The next time I ran it was this last year. I had a great team of friends who all had kids in 2005. We trained together and began the race together but we got separated along the way and I finished the race alone. It was tough going alone.
So when I had to make the decision this year whether to train and run I went looking for a training buddy. I've been going it alone this year but at the last hour Tracy decided to join me. He then injured his foot and I was alone again. It's tough to motivate myself to get out. I make excuses - the tire on Mattie's stroller is flat (true), I need to update my workout music on my I-Pod (true), I am too busy (true), and I NEED TO RUN WITH OTHERS! You know though, I am still running and making progress. It's not how I like to run but I'm out there.
I find this is very true in my spiritual life, too. When I am not with others who are like-minded, willing to run and challenge me, I get sluggish and make excuses not to study God's Word or challenge myself to know the Truth. We need to surround ourselves with people who are running, some who are older and have run the race longer and some who have just begun and need motivation to continue on. Let's run together, it's so much better than going alone.

Side note - last night we had peas for dinner which are NOT Ellie's favorite. After she finished her 10 peas, she told Tracy, "I asked God to help me eat my peas and He did!"

My New Venture!

As if I didn't have enough to do in my life - I decided to turn my habit of putting my kid's pictures into albums a small side business. I say SMALL because I have never been an entrepenuer nor do I have the salesman heart - I couldn't convince an eskimo to buy a winter coat (oh, you know what I mean...) I decided that it was time. Time that I spent time with friends, made new friends, connect with old friends and just put myself out there so that others can get to know me.

I had been praying about the flaw of mine - in my past, I have had friends for seasons and then as I moved onto a new stage in my life I drifted away from good friends. I finally decided to google a high school friend who had been on my mind. I actually found her and she lives in Denver! We have had a great time catching up on the phone and soon plan on getting together before she moves to Switzerland next month. Talk about God's timing! I never would have been able to find her had I waited just another month to search for her. But wait, it gets better...

A childhood friend from Indiana moved to Colorado just 1 year before we moved here. She and I saw each other maybe twice before we graduated high school and she got married. The last time I saw her was 12 years ago at her wedding. I had kept tabs on her life very little as she wrote new books with her husband. I went to the mall over the weekend - her son and my daughter crossed paths in the sandbox. I made eye contact with her and couldn't believe it! I had thought about trying to track her down not even 1 week earlier! Coincidence? God's providence.

I am excited to see God work in my life. I have no idea why God has brought these 2 women back into my life - both after a decade of separation. I don't know why I feel peace about adding another side dish to my too full plate with regards to scrapbooking. Check out my website.

Coincidence? God's providence. I have tears in my eyes thinking of how God gave Tracy and me the same desire just days apart to give our $427 refund from the dentist to an African pastor with a desire to feed his people and build 5 new churches this year. We pray that God multiplies our meager gift in order to provide. Please pray for Africa and for Pastor Shem as he shepherds his people.

New pictures

So, it's been a couple of weeks since we got back but I want to share the joy with you of our ever growing family. It's so fun that the girls have cousins that they get to see even though we are not close. I am sorry that we didn't get to see everyone we love while we were inthe NW but Baby Nathan was the star of our trip (we played a lot with his proud sister Elin and brother Zachary). My 2nd nephew is sooo cute! We had a great time. Thanks for everyone who prayed that the plane ride would go smooth - it did - both ways. The girls are such troopers! Anyway, it rained in Seattle of course but we still had fun going to IKEA's kidland, playing in the hotel pool and watching princess movies! While we stayed in La Center with Grandma and Saba a few days, Deb came up from Roseburg and Gretta came up from Canby with Kaia.

REDEMPTION!!!

I know I don't stand alone in this - when I want justice, I want it now. I don't want to mull over how things shoulda, woulda, coulda been. I don't want it to be a life lesson in letting go, or patience or forgiveness. I don't want to have a pit in my stomach every time I think of a situation, a person with whom I had conflict, a certain dentist office! For those of you who read my saga with the dentist office about 6 weeks ago-there is finally resolution!

The doctor wrote a heart-felt apology and sent back ALL our money and gave us his word that there would be words to the staff. I wanted to cry - it was more than I expected them to do for us. Truly, I had let it go when I mailed the letter. I surrendered it and closed the chapter - marking it up to lesson learned (even though I got a bad taste in my mouth every time I drove past the dental office).

God is good and He gives good gifts! I have no idea what I am going to do with this $427.00, but I want to do more than pay bills, you know? It was an unexpected gift that needs to be regifted. Any ideas?

Spring Has Sprung!

I can't believe it's been so long since last spring! I know it's the same amount of time each year but this year with all the snow I think I have longed for Spring more and I am definitely more excited about it. There was a wren and a sparrow singing outside my bathroom window yesterday morning so I opened my window and drank in the songs. Kiki and Mattie were in on it too so I sat on down and let them stand on my legs so they could see them. Kiki noticed the 4 bunnies across the street (stupid bunnies who poop in my yard and eat my flowers-I mean cute little animals that my children love!) and we all got just a little excited about the warm days ahead.
So it got me thinking that I should share this excitement about Spring with Tracy who is experiencing lovely weather (rain and chilly) in Seattle for the week. No matter how much I described warm breezes, beautiful song birds, new tulips and daffodils coming up in the yard,
he could only imagine. He can take my word for it. He wasn't experiencing it with me. I wondered if this moment could be compared with my relationship with Christ. I can share all of the amazing things that happen when I read God's Word, pray and talk with God, worship Him in song, pour out my heart to Him in a journal, but can you really know the amazing experience I am having unless you too are reading, praying, worshiping and communing with Christ?
It is a great time of year for new birth. Is it your time to start anew? Easter is coming and the girls are so excited about it! First their new dresses but a close tie would be the celebration that Jesus' tomb is empty! He not only died for our sins but conquered death. He will return for His children some day, but until then He blesses us with the hope of Spring and the new beauty it brings. Enjoy the day!

Kingdom Building

This weekend started out less than ideal - Mattie was sick with flu symptoms on Friday (could be dairy allergies). It was a 4 day weekend vacation from school for the girls which always throws them for a loop. By Sunday morning, I was looking forward to staying home with Mattie while Tracy took the girls to church. Tracy woke up feeling sick - oh yea! I took the girls to church and let the sickies get some rest at home.
Kiki came home remembering every detail of her Bible lesson - Martha in the kitchen and Mary at Jesus' feet listening. We talked about how Jesus is pleased when we take time to listen to him (even when there is housework).
The weekend was long and I needed a break by the end but as I was tucking Kiki in for the night, I asked her who she wanted to pray for. We chose Uncle Josh - that he would ask Jesus into His heart so that he could go to heaven with our family. Kiki then folded her little hands, squinted her eyes and asked that Jesus would come into her heart. She then prayed asking God to forgive her sins. Nothing more. What amazing sweetness comes from a soul that is sensitive to the Holy Spirit's voice! She couldn't wait to share her "exciting news"!

Compliments to the Chef (and Chauffeur, Referee, Purchasing Agent, Housecleaner...)

My mom got to come up and visit this weekend. The girls love it when grandma comes. I think Mattie might actually have a tie for favorite person- she rarely leaves Grandma's arms even for me! My mom and I took some time to scrapbook, play with the girls, watch a good movie and go out to breakfast for her birthday.
At breakfast, we had a whole conversation with only mini interruptions for someone to take our order, refill our coffee and the occasional check back. It was great! We were put at a table literally in a corner (2 sides of the table were touching the walls). It was quiet and quaint. We left about 90 minutes later after having filled each other in on the happenings of our lives since we last had a good talk and the place had errupted in noise and choas. I was so intent on sharing and listening that I hadn't noticed that every table had filled, the music had gotten louder and the bustle was quite a contrast from when we walked in.
Something I confessed to my mom and something she said to me will stick with me for a long time. I confessed I have a very good poker face. I appear competent and profficient in so many areas of my life but inside I feel like an awkward novice stumbling my way through. I cannot accept a compliment without doubting. I doubt the messenger and I doubt myself. I accept it with my mouth, smile and feel loved or appreciated for the moment, but then I wonder - could I be doing a BETTER job? Sure, on that point you may be right about me but what about the other aspects of my life. It is the thorn in my side. I have had these internal battles of self-worth since I was 5 years-old.
My mom's truth to me was this: she told me that she (and my dad) believes I am doing an amazing job as a mom. It has taken a few days, but I believe her and I accept the compliment wholeheartedly. So I offer this to you, my fellow moms who wear so many hats your heads are heavy - I think you are doing an amazing job! If you are reading this and you have the responsibility of feeding, clothing, caring for someone else I am talking to you. You are leading lives that are meaningful and you are pouring your meaningful soul into other meaningful souls. Your kids may not tell you but they do appreciate all you are doing for them. Thank you for raising children who love, who are learning compassion, who will turn out to be amazing adults because you are their mom.
P.S. Have you gone to flylady.net yet? If you have trouble organizing how to clean your house - check it out!

VICTIM

Have you ever been a victim? Do you know the paralyzing fear that no matter what you do you won't be in control of a situation? There is a war waging and you are trapped. The word victim is used in violent crimes, horrible accidents, or in general a powerless person being wounded by another. When dealing with the residual effects of events in which a victim must recover there are many emotions to move through that are normal. Denial, Anger, Forgiveness, Doubt just to name a few.
I am in no way comparing what happened to me yesterday in the dentist's office to a rape, cancer or physical abuse but I will tell you that Satan is using it to try and wedge himself between me and the truths that this world is fading, that what we are to strive for is heaven and eternal matters. To punctuate what happened: I took the girls in for their first dentist appointment. I was aware that since we didn't have insurance we were bearing the brunt of some hefty fees (which is a whole other blog point). In any event, the girls had a great experience and loved every minute! While finishing up, the billings gal casually says to me, "That'll be 427." I said, "DOLLARS??!!" Here is goes... "Yes" she replied curtly. I then must keep my cool, continue to watch my daughters and try to find out when I bought a weekend in the Bahamas in the last 45 minutes! As our conversation continues, I was belittled and treated with disrepect. I was accused of never asking questions, of not being fully informed which of course was MY fault, and she made it very clear that she was put out because I wasn't making any sense. All of my words fell on deaf ears. I paid the bill and left in tears. I couldn't think of the words to say.
I usually would have demanded I speak to someone else; I would have stood there acting ungodly and angry until I was given compensation for how I was being treated. I have been working on controlling my anger when it comes to dealing with injustice. I couldn't stop my mind from spinning. What should I have done? I replayed over and over what was said to me as I walked in the office door, as I went back with the girls, when I came to the pay counter...Was it my fault? (Doubt) How could she have so much control over my emotions? (Anger) I sat down a wrote a letter to the doctor recounting everything. (Desire for Justice) Praying that God would take the feelings of helplessness and anger and the desire to be right away from my every thought. (Forgiveness)
The letter got mailed this morning and the bill has been paid. Now, it's up to me to just let it go. I am reminded of words a wise woman shared once - "Justice may not always be seen on this earth, but believe me honey, it's coming." This whole situation seems little and I wish it hadn't effected me that way it did, but I feel I am working on being a good steward of God's money so when it's wasted on stuff like miscommunication and hidden fees I want justice. In the end, it's really not about the money. It's about being mindful of how we treat others and how we make them feel. I felt little. I felt unheard. I cried big tears.
In God's arms I am always heard. He always has time to hear and feel it all. He heals, he carries my burdens and he whispers His truths in my ear as I rest in His arms. I am loved, I am responsible, I am His child. This world is not my home. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus. That's what I will dwell on today. I am not a victim. I am victorious!

Potholes!

So all the snow here has created quite a fun drive for us. Colorado roads aren't built for all this mag chloride and dirt and ice! The potholes on the way to school are horrific! It's an obstacle course to say the least. Every once in a while there's one you just can't avoid. It goes all the way across the road - WHAM! "Mom, you drive crazy!" I hear from the back seat as we try to get back on course. "Sorry, I couldn't miss that bump. I'll try to let you know if we're going to hit another one."
Okay, so you know how I am a complainer? Well, if you don't know that about me, I am sorry to say that I am. Mostly, I complain to Tracy or my mom. I am usually guarded around friends, but sometimes I find myself in the middle of a conversation on a smooth road then WHAM - the person I am talking to has zoned out and is looking at their watch or over my shoulder for someone else to chat with. Now really I am exaggerating just a bit, but I am more aware than ever of how much I complain. I need to exercise more, I don't have enough time alone, I am picking up after 4 children most of the time, I have too much work, I, I , I... There comes a point that enough is enough. No more thinking just about how life is pounding me. Complaining is like driving over potholes - they are jarring and each complaint throws me off course.

God's Word tells us in Philippians 2:14,15

Do ALL things without grumbling or complaining so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world...

Ephesians 5:18-20
But be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always give thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father.

I'm not a bad singer but don't expect a melody from me next time we talk. Just know that God is working on keeping His songs on my heart so that the words on my lips will be palatable to all who hear.

Grandma Sugar with Kaia & Mathea

Grandma Dede and Mathea

Mattie, Kiki, Ellie in our front yard

Pixar movies and the Bible

I've been studying Daniel (through a Beth Moore BS) with a group of women almost every Wednesday morning for the past 3 months. To read Daniel again over and over, my eyes have been opened to a new level of prophecy and promise that I just never was in tune with before. It reminds me a little of a Pixar cartoon.
Stick with me - being a mom now, we treat our kids to movies in the theater maybe twice a year. We have to see cartoons and even then we have to be careful about content. Pixar does an amazing job of drawing kids in and endearing them to talking cars, scary monsters, the works. BUT I never leave feeling like it was a waste of my time-these are funny movies! They put in humor for parents, the irony and the references to pop culture so lost on kids put a smile on mom & dad's faces.
Where am I going? Daniel has it all. The cute boys who refuse the king's food and become healthier looking than the others, dreams with meanings, the firey furnace, the huge statue, a king who goes mad and lives like an animal, the lion's den. Oh yeah, and all the prophecy, eschatology, and imagery an adult could hope for. Without Revelation, we would be most lost on what the second half of the book is even refering to when it talks about the little horn, the 4 beasts, the Ancient of Days who comes to judge. IT'S AMAZING! Now, I'm not saying the first stories I mentioned are just for kids either. They were real, they were potentially gruesome, they were miraculous. I'm just thinking that it's great how relevent God is to all ages and how in awe I am that I can still study His Word day after day and learn new things about my Savior. It gives me hope - I pray I am never perceived as a "little miss know-it-all". I am still learning and will continue until Christ's return.

Broken Hearts

Last week, my love grew for my husband. Tracy came home from having a drink with a college friend. He got married the same year we did, but sadly he and his wife did not make it to their fifth anniversary like we did. I can't remember what Tracy said they talked about too much and it doesn't matter - he came home. He cares about me and his family enough to give it all he's got. Tracy and I work on our marriage. We make it a priority. We still date monthly, we try to get away every few months even for a weekend, and we talk about whatever is on our mind.

I have been dealing with a hurt in my heart about another marriage that went through turmoil this last year. A marriage that in my view could not be shaken, but it was shaken to its core. Unlike Tracy's friend, this marriage did not end but was taken to the next level after being tested by the fire.

It's painful to be tested. I would rather not ever have to deal with the pain and the brokeness that these couples endured, but I would be a fool to think that Tracy and I are immune because we are having some amazing years. We are all tempted, sin is appealing, but God has given us the Holy Spirit and friends and prayer as tools for the fight. We have been reminded that this marriage is more than just about us - it represents Jesus' relationship with us His church. It is important that our marriage is strong not only for us but for our children and our children's children. I encourage anyone who asks - take time away to just be the 2 of you. Your kids will survive without you even if it's for a few hours. In fact, they will appreciate that their parents love each other enough. Tracy and I are signed up for a marriage conference. I have a link listed there.

We don't have it all figured out but we are having a good time trying!

Side Note: Broncos aren't in the Superbowl but here are the next generation cheerleaders!

Snow - 39 Days and counting

Denver (and Colorado in general) is usually a place where the statement can be made - "If you don't like the weather, just wait an hour..." This winter it cannot be said; in fact, I wish the meteorologist would get it wrong! Don't get me wrong I love snow and winter for that matter, but it snowed yesterday making it the 6th weekend in a row that it snowed. I feel like I'm living in the Midwest again. Our Christmas lights are still up because Tracy can't put the ladder in a safe spot. Looking at the forecast, we have a couple more chances of flurries this week, too. It's been 15 years since the last time snow covered the ground for this long. In the midst of it all, there have been sunny days where we start to thaw, hopeful days where the kids have suited up and played in the drifts outside of our home. But winter is still knocking at our door every night. We are all ready to be able to play outside - the girls on their bikes with all their friends, for me to catch up with my neighbors, nature walks and playground dates.

I have been through these winters in my life. Hard times when everything is cold and bleak. Yet right when I am so tired of it all a fresh layer of snow comes to cover the ugliness and make it beautiful again, or the sunny day comes to bring hope for spring - when the sun is warm and I actually consider taking off my coat. Recently, I came to the end of a personal winter. I feel as though the cold is being shrugged off and replaced with the warm breeze of spring.

There is still a lot of snow that needs to melt both in my life and in my front yard, but there is hope. Spring will be here before I know it and I will welcome it with open arms. I will drink in the newness it brings and flourish!

Crying over spilled cereal

Mornings at our house are anything but dull. Bottles, breakfast, diapers, kisses, messes, showers, clothes, protests, toys, love, hate - all experienced within a matter of 90 minutes before Tracy is out the door trying to catch his bus to work and I pile the girls into the van and get them to school before "gate time" is over. Even among the chaos there is routine. The girls know what is expected of them and they know their responsibilites. Yet it never fails that something gets thrown into the mix and I vow to wake up earlier tomorrow, make coffee the night before, pray before it all begins... Anything to make it easier. Most unexepected is actually predictable in one way or another - guarateed someone will want to watch Clifford while eating breakfast (even though they know the answer is No!), someone will want me to read a book before they are dressed, there will be poop, pee or some bodily accident to clean up, and of course the protest that shows up once in a while - someone will think whining about staying home is acceptable and that this time it will work and they can stay home eating ice cream and watching movies all day (which in their world is what Mom does while they are at school).

One such morning happened not too long ago. I get up from the breakfast table to get the baby some more breakfast and yep that was the sound of a full cereal box going everywhere. I whip around and it's the first time all morning that everyone is completely still...and quiet before the pointing of fingers and the excuses. We all begin cleaning it up because I don't need to know the details. We just need to get it up before I have ground up Cheerios all over. Too late...As the last of the Cheerios go into the trash - what do I hear? Yep, there is goes again. Anger beginning to rise...What happened now? Good intentioned Ellie says, "I was trying to put them back in the box and it fell again." No kidding...just as we are finishing the second attempt at clean-up, Kiki catches the edge of the box with her hand and the box falls on the floor. Let's just say that enough was enough. Tears of anger were in my eyes and I lost it. We all survived that morning - a little late and a little wiser about how to handle a full cereal box. The box didn't tip out of mischief, or out of angry actions, it just happened.
I couldn't help but think later of how many times in my walk with God I tipped over that same cereal box. I fill my day with too many commitments and forget an appointment, I panic because finances aren't in line, Tracy has to travel next week and I will be a single mom for 5 days, I get a phone call telling me that I have to work on a project after I ordered my day...I don't want to have a mess, I'm just trying to go about my day. When upsets come my way my reactions have been varied depending on the day and the situation but God's reactions have never changed. He looks at me and tells me - okay, let's clean it up together. He wants to help. He doesn't change his response to me. He asks in His gentle voice if I understand how to handle it. I'm sure I need a refresher course in how to handle the everyday. Well, here I am ready to learn. No matter what side of the mess I'm on, no more tears over spilled cereal. Today - I am here Lord, I am your servant and I am listening.