I really haven't been writing much lately. I haven't been doing much talking recently, either, at least on a deep spiritual or even intellectual level. I think I've been afraid.
I was reading through some old college journals this week and realized that I have forgotten much of the old days. In college, I made it a habit on a frequent basis to grab my Bible, my journal and head over to the chapel. God and I communed for hours over my fears, joys, struggles, hopes and dreams. I'm sure I could point out tear stains on the pew where I always chose to sit. I would tell him everything as I wrote page after page - dreaming some day that my words were so amazing that they would inspire others to live a life of passionate servitude for Christ (or at least that someone would learn from all my stupid mistakes and make better choices when it came to guys, jobs or haircuts). The writings are really nothing more than an emotional girl who chose to write down every thought that crossed her mind, nothing inspiring about them.
So coming back to my fear. I may not know my hopes and dreams right now. I believe that when we are in touch with our awesome Creator, face to face with no distractions we not only find out more about who He is but who He created us to be. No matter where we've been in life or the path we are on presently - God is honest with us about where we need to be going. I haven't been writing, I haven't been crying, I haven't been talking, I've been reacting. I have been allowing life to happen around me and I respond. No time for stopping. My coffee doesn't even make it into my favorite mug these days. It goes straight into a travel mug suitable for the mini van cup holder as I drive the caravan of kids to and from school each morning. I work for Kris (my boss) until midnight so that I can be at the gym, at Bible study, at MOPS during the day.
I can't stop to think, to talk, to write.
I have a journal that has 4 pages written on from this last year. I want it filled by Christmas. I need it filled with my hopes, dreams, struggles, fears, joys and memories. I need to be reminded of this time in my life so that maybe someone in the future will read my words and know that I was a child of the Most High God who wasn't too busy to sit at her Father's feet and weep, listen, worship, learn. Please join me...Anyone? Tell me I'm not alone.
1 comment:
Hey You!
I understand what you are saying. I've been so busy teaching that I really haven't stopped much to sit down and chat with God. It dawned on me this week as I talked with a friend about my struggles, and just made me realize that I need to just hang with God. And there's something to be said about just slowing down enough to spend some quality time with Jesus. So, I hear ya, and pray for you. We should be lifting each other in prayer so that we can stay the course!
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