Getting Credit

Oh, yes we have sisters at our house! On the way to church yesterday, after mom was done listening to the exchange of hushed but angry words coming from the back seats, we had a family discussion about sharing and how the tone of our voices says a lot more that maybe we want it to and that if they couldn't come to an agreement there would be privileges taken away. Just how Sunday mornings tend to want to start - with division and strife. Nothing like walking into church humbled.

On the way home, I marveled at how quickly my bickering trio of daughters could change their tune toward each other. They were chattering and creating and talking over each other in excited tones. (It made me laugh at the memories I will get to retell.) They had decided that they wanted to create a restaurant. For lunch, they planned the menu, set the table, invited friends over, took orders, cooked, served and executed "The Salad Bowl Restaurant" beautifully. They loved it so much my 8 & 9 year olds did it all over again for just the family at dinner.

They offered "brinner" (you know, breakfast for dinner : >) ), pizza, left-over lasagna, salad, veggies, pudding for dessert just to name a few items. They worked really hard, had smiles on their faces and LOVED the independence of it all. I loved it for all the same reasons they did (although I did sneak into the kitchen a couple of times to help control the dishes that were piling up in the sink!). At the end of our dinnertime together, 1 of the girls asked, "Didn't we do a great job?" We had been praising them the entire dinner, but she couldn't get enough affirmation that the night was a huge success.

This morning I found myself reading Hebrews 11, the "Hall of Faith" passage. Paul writes in Hebrews 11:32 that it would take him forever to write down each persons' testimony of walking in faith so in the verses that follow he starts listing acts of faith without listing names. Hebrews 11:37-39 says, "They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword...And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect."

I found a connection between my daughter's desire to receive praise for her good works and my own desire to be recognized for my faith and good works as a mom, wife, friend, and leader of women. So often, I want my name known, even for a moment. I want to know that everything I am doing for my Heavenly Father won't be for nothing; that when I am dead and gone someone will hear my name and say, I remember her. I desire that my faith and good works here on Earth will have eternal purpose. I pray that I don't stop at desiring human accolades but that I strive toward love and good deeds even if I never see God's promises fulfilled. The men of Old obeyed, performed faith-filled feats of greatness and allowed God to be glorified, many remaining nameless here on Earth. I pray that I can let go of my desire to get the credit and if I do get recognized that I can humbly give it to God as a sacrifice of praise for all He allows me to accomplish for His glory.

When the Heart Waits

In preparing for my last talk for Women to Women before I step down from leadership, I wrestled with how to approach the topic of Surrender. Our theme this year has aptly been "Transformed" accompanied by the picture of  a butterfly. Just as a butterfly must go into a darkness and be still in order to grow and become all that God created this beauty to be, I too have entered a darkness and stillness in our adoption journey. 

Surrender is not something I have ever desired to practice. I want to stand and fight for what's right and just and fair. Surrender sounds like failure. I like movies like Braveheart, where William Wallace rallies the Scottish clansmen who are faltering in their battle line as they stare at their enemy. Wallace gives this amazing speech on his valiant horse; the men put their trust in their fearless leader and fight. There would be no surrender that day for they would fight for their freedom!! 

There aren't any movies where the white flag get raised and the surrendered soldiers win. Godly surrender allows the wounded solider waving the white flag to win. The spiritual surrender that we must experience is within. As we war within ourselves, old self vs. new self, there must be a winner. We must surrender our old, sinful nature to our created new and whole nature that is controlled by the Holy Spirit in oder to see what God has in store for our lives. God sees surrender as a thing of beauty that draws the broken, wounded soldier to His side for healing and restoration. 

I found 4 steps that helped me come to a place of surrender so that I could see the God's plan for my life. 

1. Open your eyes to the clinging that we do to our old habits, old thoughts and wrong decisions and Realize the power they have over you

2. Begin to let go where you are and Begin now 

3. When you stumble and assert your old self (and you know you will), don't dwell on regret, just Begin again

4. RELAX! Take your hands off and submit to God...Allow life to be willed through you. 

The beauty of godly surrender is summed up in one word. Obedience. When we are in our darkest place and we stop pawing our way around looking for a way out, we can find a stillness that allows us to hear from God. We can then stop our striving and start our growing. God wants to give us our wings. He wants us to soar. Sometimes, we just need to remember that the caterpillar didn't just think himself a pair of wings. He had to succumb to the process. Surrendered. We find ourselves cocooned in God's loving embrace as He transforms us. 

I have been reading Sue Monk Kidd's book When the Heart Waits. I highly recommend this book if you are struggling with change, crisis or questioning why God has you where He has you right now in your spiritual journey.