When the Heart Waits

In preparing for my last talk for Women to Women before I step down from leadership, I wrestled with how to approach the topic of Surrender. Our theme this year has aptly been "Transformed" accompanied by the picture of  a butterfly. Just as a butterfly must go into a darkness and be still in order to grow and become all that God created this beauty to be, I too have entered a darkness and stillness in our adoption journey. 

Surrender is not something I have ever desired to practice. I want to stand and fight for what's right and just and fair. Surrender sounds like failure. I like movies like Braveheart, where William Wallace rallies the Scottish clansmen who are faltering in their battle line as they stare at their enemy. Wallace gives this amazing speech on his valiant horse; the men put their trust in their fearless leader and fight. There would be no surrender that day for they would fight for their freedom!! 

There aren't any movies where the white flag get raised and the surrendered soldiers win. Godly surrender allows the wounded solider waving the white flag to win. The spiritual surrender that we must experience is within. As we war within ourselves, old self vs. new self, there must be a winner. We must surrender our old, sinful nature to our created new and whole nature that is controlled by the Holy Spirit in oder to see what God has in store for our lives. God sees surrender as a thing of beauty that draws the broken, wounded soldier to His side for healing and restoration. 

I found 4 steps that helped me come to a place of surrender so that I could see the God's plan for my life. 

1. Open your eyes to the clinging that we do to our old habits, old thoughts and wrong decisions and Realize the power they have over you

2. Begin to let go where you are and Begin now 

3. When you stumble and assert your old self (and you know you will), don't dwell on regret, just Begin again

4. RELAX! Take your hands off and submit to God...Allow life to be willed through you. 

The beauty of godly surrender is summed up in one word. Obedience. When we are in our darkest place and we stop pawing our way around looking for a way out, we can find a stillness that allows us to hear from God. We can then stop our striving and start our growing. God wants to give us our wings. He wants us to soar. Sometimes, we just need to remember that the caterpillar didn't just think himself a pair of wings. He had to succumb to the process. Surrendered. We find ourselves cocooned in God's loving embrace as He transforms us. 

I have been reading Sue Monk Kidd's book When the Heart Waits. I highly recommend this book if you are struggling with change, crisis or questioning why God has you where He has you right now in your spiritual journey.