I've been Thinking

I really haven't been writing much lately. I haven't been doing much talking recently, either, at least on a deep spiritual or even intellectual level. I think I've been afraid.
I was reading through some old college journals this week and realized that I have forgotten much of the old days. In college, I made it a habit on a frequent basis to grab my Bible, my journal and head over to the chapel. God and I communed for hours over my fears, joys, struggles, hopes and dreams. I'm sure I could point out tear stains on the pew where I always chose to sit. I would tell him everything as I wrote page after page - dreaming some day that my words were so amazing that they would inspire others to live a life of passionate servitude for Christ (or at least that someone would learn from all my stupid mistakes and make better choices when it came to guys, jobs or haircuts). The writings are really nothing more than an emotional girl who chose to write down every thought that crossed her mind, nothing inspiring about them.
So coming back to my fear. I may not know my hopes and dreams right now. I believe that when we are in touch with our awesome Creator, face to face with no distractions we not only find out more about who He is but who He created us to be. No matter where we've been in life or the path we are on presently - God is honest with us about where we need to be going. I haven't been writing, I haven't been crying, I haven't been talking, I've been reacting. I have been allowing life to happen around me and I respond. No time for stopping. My coffee doesn't even make it into my favorite mug these days. It goes straight into a travel mug suitable for the mini van cup holder as I drive the caravan of kids to and from school each morning. I work for Kris (my boss) until midnight so that I can be at the gym, at Bible study, at MOPS during the day.
I can't stop to think, to talk, to write.
I have a journal that has 4 pages written on from this last year. I want it filled by Christmas. I need it filled with my hopes, dreams, struggles, fears, joys and memories. I need to be reminded of this time in my life so that maybe someone in the future will read my words and know that I was a child of the Most High God who wasn't too busy to sit at her Father's feet and weep, listen, worship, learn. Please join me...Anyone? Tell me I'm not alone.

My Oldest Cutie Patootie's 1st Day

For all of you who told me not to cry today - I didn't, but boy did I get a lump in my throat. She made me proud. She hung her Hello Kitty backpack up on the hook, walked into a classroom of new kids (most speaking Spanish at the time), sat down and never looked back. I was holding Mattie (who was sleeping peacefully on my shoulder) and realized that all too soon I would have to let her go, too. For all the stress I have associated with a messy house, constant laundry, changing diapers, playing chauffeur, and staying consistent at every turn, I wouldn't trade it for all the riches of this world!
It happened so gradually. I was just rocking Ellie to sleep yesterday in a small apartment, telling her she needed to stop growing and the world needed to stop spinning so I could take it all in.

My Cutie Patootie's 1st Day!

So I'm not one to get all sentimental and start crying for what is past but how did I get to be blessed with such beautiful girls that are growing up so fast that I'm starting to tell them...Do you know where I was 4 years ago today? Well, let me tell you, four years ago I went to bed knowing that I would have a second beautiful little girl by this time tomorrow. "That's so cool"is uttered in return (words that I am treasuring since they will not be said about things I say too much longer.)

Kiki started at her new Preschool today after a long 2 week break from summer camp, camping with Saba & Grandma and swim lessons. She's so proud of her "Me Poster" that she made all by herself (mom only transcribing details of her "I Love..." list). She got to celebrate her birthday today by bringing brownies, ringing the bell 4 times for her age, and wearing a crown for most of the day. Tomorrow, is my ACTUAL birthday she kept telling everyone today, but she was super excited for the opportunity to rake in the "Happy Birthday"s as they were handed out a day early.
She loves her new teacher Miss Stephanie and I'm excited to see how she thrives in a smaller school where she is loved.
Here are the inseparables: Alianna, Ellie, Kiki & Delaney - posing as they have all summer for their camera crazy moms who have to chronicle everything for their HUGE scrapbooks! I'm excited for them all. I am praying that Kiki and Ellie do well being apart experiencing new schools and new friends. They decided that sharing a bedroom was a good idea, and since mom and dad are gullible and believe that this actually might work, I'm sure they will have hours of whispering sessions ahead of them as they stay connected. Ellie debuts kindergarten tomorrow! Here we go!

Camping

Tracy's parent's came into town last Thursday.

After watching Ellie at gymnastics, Kiki at ballet and Mattie just being cute (endearing herself to Saba by following him around calling - "Baba"), we went camping near Aspen. We went on nature walks, we went swimming in Glenwood Springs and sat through 2 afternoon rain storms through the valley. The girls collected flowers and rosehips (the girls learned they have lots of vitamin C but taste yucky), helped keep the fires going, made mouse soup, played games, drew pictures, played in Saba & G'ma's car and explored every inch of our campsite. We got dirty, cold, hot, tired, bored, wet, excited. The girls had fruit snacks, hot cocoa, s'mores, pancakes and chips! Mom and dad got a date night into town. All-in-all a great trip!

Through a Valley

We were given a 30 day notice by our tenants today. What a shock! As some of you recall, we took a HUGE step of faith when we bought our current home and moved last May. We were sure that God would supply all our needs according to OUR plans by selling our first home in enough time that there would never be 2 mortgages owed in the same month...
Even though we felt the hand of God moving us here and it has been an awesome experience in God's providence, He has taught us a lot about how His plans are not ours. Finding renters, being landlords, losing money through hot water heaters and tree removal were only a few of the lessons we were blessed with experiencing. We have come this far unscathed and yet there is still fear gripping my thoughts as we find ourselves in a financial dilemma once again.
I ask you to pray that we stay in tune with God. As a friend reminded me recently, I need to desire to learn during the valley and not just pray my way to high ground! Should we rent or try to sell in this flat market? I need to mourn the loss of my first home. We were stubborn last year and didn't lower our offering price soon enough.
I am surrendering to the truth that my ways are not His ways. I just need to let go. I took my pictures and memories with me and the future will now be for someone else - no matter what the cost...