VICTIM

Have you ever been a victim? Do you know the paralyzing fear that no matter what you do you won't be in control of a situation? There is a war waging and you are trapped. The word victim is used in violent crimes, horrible accidents, or in general a powerless person being wounded by another. When dealing with the residual effects of events in which a victim must recover there are many emotions to move through that are normal. Denial, Anger, Forgiveness, Doubt just to name a few.
I am in no way comparing what happened to me yesterday in the dentist's office to a rape, cancer or physical abuse but I will tell you that Satan is using it to try and wedge himself between me and the truths that this world is fading, that what we are to strive for is heaven and eternal matters. To punctuate what happened: I took the girls in for their first dentist appointment. I was aware that since we didn't have insurance we were bearing the brunt of some hefty fees (which is a whole other blog point). In any event, the girls had a great experience and loved every minute! While finishing up, the billings gal casually says to me, "That'll be 427." I said, "DOLLARS??!!" Here is goes... "Yes" she replied curtly. I then must keep my cool, continue to watch my daughters and try to find out when I bought a weekend in the Bahamas in the last 45 minutes! As our conversation continues, I was belittled and treated with disrepect. I was accused of never asking questions, of not being fully informed which of course was MY fault, and she made it very clear that she was put out because I wasn't making any sense. All of my words fell on deaf ears. I paid the bill and left in tears. I couldn't think of the words to say.
I usually would have demanded I speak to someone else; I would have stood there acting ungodly and angry until I was given compensation for how I was being treated. I have been working on controlling my anger when it comes to dealing with injustice. I couldn't stop my mind from spinning. What should I have done? I replayed over and over what was said to me as I walked in the office door, as I went back with the girls, when I came to the pay counter...Was it my fault? (Doubt) How could she have so much control over my emotions? (Anger) I sat down a wrote a letter to the doctor recounting everything. (Desire for Justice) Praying that God would take the feelings of helplessness and anger and the desire to be right away from my every thought. (Forgiveness)
The letter got mailed this morning and the bill has been paid. Now, it's up to me to just let it go. I am reminded of words a wise woman shared once - "Justice may not always be seen on this earth, but believe me honey, it's coming." This whole situation seems little and I wish it hadn't effected me that way it did, but I feel I am working on being a good steward of God's money so when it's wasted on stuff like miscommunication and hidden fees I want justice. In the end, it's really not about the money. It's about being mindful of how we treat others and how we make them feel. I felt little. I felt unheard. I cried big tears.
In God's arms I am always heard. He always has time to hear and feel it all. He heals, he carries my burdens and he whispers His truths in my ear as I rest in His arms. I am loved, I am responsible, I am His child. This world is not my home. You can have all this world, but give me Jesus. That's what I will dwell on today. I am not a victim. I am victorious!