Who Am I?

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Inadequate Servant

I have been dwelling on the idea of adequacy these past few weeks. As the Casting Crowns song goes, "Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth, would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt?" or something like that. I constantly wrestle with who I have been called to be in Christ and who I am in my personality, my everyday living, and in my thoughts while I'm alone. I am not a natural people person, nor am I am extrovert. Growing up, I loved the show Grizzly Adams. Did you ever see that? I seriously had thoughts when I was younger that if I lived as a hermit in the mountains then maybe I wouldn't screw things up or say hurtful things or do dumb things that people would laugh about for years to come (I killed a cow once with a van - now that's comedy).
I have been trying to reach out and find more friends, to be enriched and be poured into. If only I had more wisdom, more time, more charisma to offer others, then I would be a better friend and have more friends. Instead of focussing on myself and what I do not have, I started praying for opportunities. I didn't really know what I was praying for or what I would be looking for, but I knew that God doesn't pass up a chance to challenge His children, especially when they ask for it.
Friends, my neighbors are hurting. They are crying out for change in their lives and they can't see an end. I have befriended our next door neighbor who is upside down on her rental properties and her own home trying to follow her dream of opening an elder-care home. She's so confused and overwhelmed. I have been able to help her pack, mow her lawn and pray with her. She has to move to the elder-care home since her administrator just quit but she doesn't want to lose her home in the process. I don't feel like I've done enough but it's what God has asked me to do right now. I have a friend who is lonely since her friend moved away. Their kids played together, they shared their lives together and life just won't be the same. We spent time together as families this weekend, we take their kids so she and her husband can go on dates, she and I talk, we'll get our kids together this summer for pool dates and play time, but it doesn't feel like enough. I have another dear friend in Christ who is struggling in her marriage. Her husband is rejecting Christianity right now and their kids can feel the tension in their home. We talk, I pray and encourage. It doesn't feel like enough but it's what God has asked of me right now.
I exhort you today - is there someone in your life you need to reach out to today? A phone call, a note to tell them you are praying, a prayer with them, sharing with them the hope that lies within your heart. Sometimes, it's the little things that God calls us to do that fit our personality, our giftings and our time line. Sometimes, God's calling takes us outside our comfort zone, making us wonder if we are the one He's really asking to step up to the plate and take on the burdens of others. Who am I? I'm not qualified, I won't say the right thing, I'm not the one, Lord. Hhhmm, probably not the only person who ever said that... Probably won't be the last person God will ever use, either. That's doesn't disqualify ME or you.
Be used today. Because He Is WORTHY!

Tattle-Tale

I think as parents, we're doing a pretty good job training our children to deal with their own little sqabbles without running to tattle every time something doesn't go their way. I daily ask, "Have you talked to your sister about this first?" to which the reply always seems to be, "Okay, mommy" as they run off to "talk" it out. I'm usually tuned into the next next few words out of their mouths and then make sure the issue gets resolved before moving on. It's not a perfect system, but it sure saves me a lot of time from being police on a daily basis.
When we moved from Denver, we didn't imagine our neighbors would be moving with us! It's been one year since we moved here and I find myself struggling today by a phone call I received from an overzealous retiree from our old neighborhood who called to tattle on our renters. We have been blessed with renters who always pay on time, are quiet, and have kept the house is good order. Sparing you the details, I ended up hanging up on a woman who was just short of yelling at me that I wasn't considering eviction over the fact that the renters' clothes are drying on our wood fence.
This is not the first phone call or the first conversation I have had with numerous neighbors who feel a sense of entitlement since they've lived there many decades, much like an older sibling who doesn't care for how their younger sister is treating her toys. Only they are not her toys and nobody is being hurt by what is going on...
I guess my only thought after all is this - Grow up and talk to them yourselves. Don't involve others in your quest for justice. Maybe if no one else is on your band wagon, you shouldn't be either.

Long Pause

I wish my life was like this blog sometimes. I could put my life on pause and come back to it with full force. Well, the reason for this long pause was NOT for rejuvination- quite the contrary I must admit.
So about 12 days ago, on a Sunday, after being up all night long with Ellie who had an earache we were heading out the door to the urgent care when I sprained my back. This weeping girl would not let her dad take her so I hobbled to my errand. We found out that not only did she have an ear infection but strep throat which Kiki was complaining of a sore throat just moments earlier (she HAD to come to the doctor to keep her sister company of course!) What a process of healing we have been on these past 2 weeks! After antibiotics and chiropractic visits and now physical therapy, we are getting back into the swing of normalcy.
What is normal? I've been thinking about priorities and goals and money lately. There are such diverse definitions of "normal" when putting our lives in order. I NORMALLY would take time to pray, be in God's Word, reach out to friends, try to keep my family sane and take time for myself. Lately, it's not been in that order. Some may say, well, you have to take care of yourself above all else or you can't do everything else. I'm tired of that lie. God takes care of me. He makes sure we have a roof over our head, our bills get paid and He gives me the strength to love my family and friends. Without that truth, I will never feel peace. I won't ever be aligned, healthy, on the right path to success and all those other buzz words I've been bombarded with the past few weeks.
I'm ready to get back to NORMAL.