In this part 1, it's a lot of the "what brought you to this point, Christy?" If you only want to know my musings on the last 30 days skip to part 2…
I consider myself a healthy person. I perceive that many of you think "Duh" when I say that out loud. But I must confess that inside this healthy exterior I continually struggle with my self image and have for most of my life. It was one of the biggest wrestlings I had with God most of my young adult life. I can't say I compared myself to others as much as I compared myself to what I believed I could look and feel like if I only ate better, exercised more, and applied my self-discipline in a more focussed way. In spite of the manic thoughts that were truly a disorder and a hinderance to my spiritual growth, God protected me from a diagnosable eating disorder. I still remember my sophomore health class when we measured our body fat percentage and I stepped on a scale in front of friends. I felt fat and ugly and now everyone knew it. I was 5'8" and weighted 150 lbs.
There has been a lot of healing, education and personal training in the past 20+ years since then. I know I am made in the image of Christ and there is no reason I have found in Scripture to believe that He wanted me to struggle with finding delight in this decaying body my entire life. I do believe that the reason I struggle is sin. When I allow strongholds in my life of any kind it puts a rift in my relationship with my Creator. I have been ready for a couple of years to break the final binds that have kept me tethered to this sin issue for over half my life. I just didn't know how. Do I seek a counselor, a nutritionist, a group of women I could confide in, more books, more "programs"? I asked God. That was almost a year ago.
In this past year, I hit rock bottom in so many ways. Even though I had wanted to quit my job, it quit me (not how I wanted to end a 10 year relationship). In February, we were at the 18 month mark of our adoption process, we had just come home from the worst bonding trip yet and I was questioning our choice to move forward. So, I just stood still. I found no joy in running, I made excuses, I ate, I cried and I got depressed. The kids would leave for school, and I sat in front of the mind numbing t.v. for hours with no desire to do a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g. I felt like I depressed my friends so I pulled away just enough that I felt really lonely. Did I mention I ate? 10 pounds just made matters worse. Then Chris came home in September. And we were moving. I stopped exercise altogether.
God has His master plan and I know He desires to bless but man did I feel hit by a bus this past January. Chris was making huge strides but his first 4 months here REALLY had taken life out of a life that wasn't completely whole when he came home. I again went to my knees begging God for something that would motivate me. Groupon reached out like a strong arm to entice me to join a group fitness class at the same time my friends were reaching out their strong arms to ask me to get involved with them at the neighborhood gym. I had enough motivation to get out of the house.
About 6 weeks ago, I went to my Dr. for an annual check-up. My cholesterol had gone up 40 points in the past 15 months. Shoot. The past year proved itself on paper. I know from my education that exercise is only 20% and that my nutrition needed to be in check in order to see real change in how I felt on the inside AND out. When I focus on my food, I tend toward obsessing about calories, balance of Carbs, Fat, Protein, weighing, calculating…OBSESSION about earthly things is from the devil. It takes our minds off of eternity. I couldn't go there. It wouldn't be truly healthy.
Along comes my sweet friend. All of my extreme exercise goals in the past 3 years have stemmed from our conversations during running. I LOVE HER! Have I heard of Whole30? Nope. Sounds hokey. Sounds like extreme Paleo. Sounds like I'm getting off this crazy train. Wanna do it together? Yep. Wait. What?
That was 34 days ago...
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