Pityriasis Rosea

I have often contemplated - Where would my faith be in the face of a trial so huge that in the midst I would doubt whether I could trust God through it or even survive with my faith in tact? I've asked, why has God never trusted me with a trial so big that my faith can be tested and stretched to a limit I didn't know existed? Daily trials or faith tests come each day whether big or small. Pain and brokeness can bring us to the feet of our Savior swiftly. It's not only the huge, sometimes very public trials in our lives that put our faith to the test but also the common everyday desires of our hearts that keep us on our toes as to where our loyalties lie. Mind you, I am not asking God to inflict hardship on my life. I am just aware that while living on this Earth, there will be pain, there will be temptation, there will be times of crisis all involving choices to turn to ourselves to survive or to the One who has given us all the strength & hope we will ever need.
A month ago, I started getting some red, dry splotches on my arms and then on my stomach. I joked with Tracy that it was my body's final attempt to push out all toxins from the earlier 6 weeks of being sick. I was sure the spots were eczema, or the like, until they started spreading all over my trunk (front & back), legs, arms and now my neck and chest. I finally decided to have a doctor diagnose me and get me on the road to recovery. He confirmed that my joke about my body pushing toxins out was pretty acurate. He put a name with my rashy, nasty spots - pityriasis rosea - a non-contagious skin infection. There is nothing to do but wait it out and keep it moisturized (for up to 8 weeks!). There is no known cause. There isn't a cure. I just have to wait and resist the urge to itch and hope that it clears up soon.
Annoying as these last few weeks have been, I have been thinking about why I have been inflicted with this ugly skin trial. Did I deserve such a horrible skin defect? Is there something in my life that I need to address before these spots go away? Could I have done something differently while I was sick so that this outcome was avoided? I don't believe I have been "struck down" or that this is some form of punishment. But I have been reminded that I do not have to endure a trial of major proportion for my faith to be strengthened and God to teach me lessons I still need to learn - stop complaining, listen to the advice of others, the folly of vanity...
It's not always the huge tests that show how strong our faith is. It can be the everyday annoyances. Are there really big and little trials or have we assigned value to something that isn't quantifiable? God has given me this rather than a heavy, emotional pain, but it doesn't make it any less valuable of a lesson. I am still learning about God's mercy and how He cares about the little stuff. I am still learning that prayer changes my desires to align with His. As the days go by and I am not healed, doubt creeps in - what if it's something else... God has calmed my fears. It's an ugly, sometimes painful reminder that I am not home. This life is only temporary and now I am going to put another layer of cream on before I crawl out of my skin!

Downtime

Tracy and I had the privilege of being "kid-free" last night. My parents took the girls around 4:00pm with a promise that they would return some time this morning. Tracy wasn't going to be home for another hour, so I asked myself, "What am I going to do?" It's not long enough to watch a good movie or get started on a cleaning project (not my cleaning projects anyway). I could get myself gussied up and make Tracy take me out tonight, OR I could just sit down in front of my computer and play mindless computer games and drift off into a place I like to call downtime. You can guess that when the front door lock started to shift, I jumped out of my tech-stupor and began to shut down my game, with guilt. Why, you ask? (only if you don't know me well) I don't DO downtime well. I am always on the go with the task at hand or an agenda to complete. I am always busy and if I'm not I get ansy trying to figure out why everything seems to have a place for the moment. Rarely do I sit still and give my thoughts credence.
God takes a back seat in my busy day and my prayers by day's end are - Lord, please help me find peace in the craziness of my day. I am fully aware that God chuckles at me a lot.
So this morning was different. I got up and went to the gym. I usually don't get the luxury to go on Saturdays (yes, I like working out). The morning drive was beautiful - with the sun shining and new snow glistening on the Foothills. I have a workout buddy most days, but this morning I was alone for about 30 minutes to run by myself (running alone - not recommended). I grabbed my memory verses that I have committed to learning and headed to the treadmill. This morning, my thoughts calmed once more and I was able to have some downtime. This time it was with my true love and it was good. These verses were given just to me for such a time as this. I had some great downtime this morning.
What do you do for downtime? I'm still going to play computer games every now and again but I will treasure the moments I take with my Savior from whom I draw my strength to make it through the craziness of life.

Giving the Gift of Life

My Father-in-law is home from donating his kidney to a long time friend & fellow pastor. I am so blessed to be a part of an amazing family with so many members who give at any cost. He's home recovering and doing very well. Here is a story that was done on their experience:
http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_011708_health_kidney_donor.2f2c59d0.html

AN EMAILED NOTE THAT I WANTED TO INCLUDE AFTER MY INITIAL POST:

The Oregonian published an article on my kidney transplant that did a far better job of capturing my perspective than what the TV news feature did. NBC and CNN both missed both the facts and the slant to tell a story that they thought sounded touching. The only problem is that its main point was not true. If you want to read the article you can find the article at: http://www.oregonlive.com/oregonian/stories/index.ssf?/base/metro_south_news/1200630311117940.xml&coll=7
I wish people understand that donating a kidney leaves the donor with nearly no personal negative consequence and at least for me it was not nearly as painful as I had imagined. It is a win/win situation where you can do something outrageously extravagant for someone without it costing as much as most in our society have been led to believe. I am so glad I did it.

I am doing so well that I am even at the office for a couple hours right now.

Dwight

Silence

Nothing. No sound, hum, or whisper. It can be haunting. Silence can create a feeling of peace or the feeling of being so utterly alone. When silence is welcomed & embraced, it can cause a person to calm down, be renewed, cleansing the mind & surroundings from all distraction.
When silence is unexpected, it can create panic, fear, a sense that hope may be lost.
Silence in a relationship can feel pretty hopeless. You ask a question and get no response. You expect a question but it never comes. A lull in the conversation, thoughts with no words, feelings without expression. Silence - it is a word that God has made very familiar to me lately. It has resulted in much loneliness and self-inflicted isolation. It's not that I am holed in my home refusing to go anywhere. Quite the opposite. I know that God's timing is not my own. I know that there have been other dry times in my spiritual journey - I just haven't figured out what He is saying through His silence. I will continue to stand at my post - listening, watching, waiting. He is never far, He hears our prayers and He knows our hearts. I have not lost hope.

Be still and know that I am God; Those who wait on Him will renew their strength; Wait for the Lord, Be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.